Humor Magazine

The New Light And Air Diet Isn’t For Anyone

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

Breatharian’s are lucky, or unlucky…depending on how you look at it…because a Breatharian doesn’t eat. They exist solely on light and air and nothing else.

This makes taking one out to dinner a really, really, cheap date.

I’ll have the steak, medium rare and a loaded baked potato. My date here just lives on light and air so could you bring over a table lamp to shine on her….um, maybe like a 40 watt bulb in that please. It’s our first date and I want to make a good impression. Also for dessert she will have an oscillating fan, three speed settings.

So how does one do this, you ask? Well after visiting the web site;  which is the authority on the practice…we still don’t quite know. Apparently it involves some mediation, some unlocking of the brain we humans never use, and listening to the collective works of Yanni.


Why does every new age related idea always use some part of the brain we humans never use? Is that a rule? And just how much of our brain do we not use? I’m thinking we could all have much, much smaller heads according to most religions and spiritual gurus.

This would make hats cheaper I’m sure.

Breatharianism has recently come to the fore front of the public eye as Ukraine model, Valeria Lukyanova, who considers herself a real life Barbie doll has publicly stated that her goal is to live on air and light alone, which is much different than my goal of living on nothing but Pizza Rolls and Diet Shasta.


The practice is not without it’s risks as several people have died from it.

To which we say,


Last year a lady in Seattle tried the extreme diet which was suppose to last for 100 days. She gave up after 47  when she reported that the Universe told her to;

Knock that shit off, and go get a double bacon cheeseburger.

Most people are only familiar with the Ukraine  as being a country on the Risk game board, than producing hot models, so it’s about time they got some recognition.


We are impressed with Valeria Lukyanova Barbie style modeling skills as well. Below is several different pictures showing her different looks and poses:

1) Sexy


2) Happy


3) Sad


4) Gassy


5) Relieved


Well…you get the idea. The Ukraine is cold, it’s hard to make different facial expressions.



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