Our highest callings are the things we are fighting for victory over right now. It’s satan’s tactic to attack us in those certain areas, simply because he knows we will have an incredible testimony of the victory we will gain. He also knows that we will help others gain the freedom they so long for, but only if we share our story.
He hates freedom. But you know who loves it? Jesus.
My battle with anxiety feels like it’s been an eternity. It’s easy to feel very isolated, as it’s difficult to express how your body makes you feel on a daily basis. It’s as if your body isn’t computing with what your brain wants to do. It’s infuriating, and draining.
But if there is one thing good out of all of this suffering, its that I have seen my Papa more in this season than ever before. I’ve heard His voice clear, loud and sound. We have had several private moments I have not shared on this blog, although most of you probably think I am a complete open book. I am always careful what I share, and I only share to encourage, and never to condemn or place judgment. I long for this blog to be a safe place for people to come and read when they are weary, and leave this page rested. Refreshed, and encouraged.
My ribs pulsed as I started the coffee pot. The drips created an aroma that reminded me I was alive. Not dead, or dying as I felt. Adding the cream to my favorite mug, my body cried out for a deep breathe, as I could not catch one. My youngest asking for a bowl of cereal, pulling at my pajama pants. My eyes closing, head pulsing.
” Jesus I need you to help me. Send help. I cannot be a Mom today.”
I whispered under my breath, gave my two year old a smile and carried on. With a kiss on her forehead I placed her breakfast on her highchair tray ,and sat at the bar in my kitchen. The sunlight began to rise above the trees, and onto my face from the skylight. I closed my eyes and began to pray again. Father help me. I need you to help me today. Tears welled up in my eyes, as I wiped them away. Taking my first sip of coffee I saw him. Broad shoulders. Large mane. Piercing eyes.
I have seen many things in the spirit realm, but this was my first experience seeing him. In the spirit I saw a MASSIVE Lion sitting , paws as large as my head on my back porch. I knew immediately he was standing guard , he was mine. I had asked for him to come, this Angel in a different form. Immediate peace flooded the room, as I had to take a seat on the nearby bar stool.
I was flooded with revelation as I began to pray out loud. What I needed was a fierce spirit. A fighter, a domination spirit to overcome how I was being attacked. The Lion is the most powerful being in the wild. I knew he had come to defend me, and help me fight. This Angel in a different form.
When we struggle with anxiety, we need helpers. We need people to remind us we are not going crazy, and will not in fact end up in the mental ward later on that day. We need to know that what we are feeling is real, but it does not own us. As children of God we are new creations, waiting to blossom and gain victory over our battles.
I knew in my spirit I saw him outside my door for a reason. Often we ask for help, but do not really want it. We beg and plead for people, or even God to help us change our ways, or deliver us from evil, but we do not truly desire to change.
I do desire to change. I am open to standing on my head and reciting the dictionary word for word if I have to. I want freedom. I need it as badly as I desire to breathe fully.
So I did what any sane person would do. Later that night I stood in my kitchen and I asked him to come inside. I asked him to help me, this Angelic being God sent me. I asked him to help me overcome these attacks, and I asked God for wisdom to pursue for freedom in this area.
He made us to be whole. I want to be whole again.
“See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you.”
Exodus 23:20
We can put God in a box all day long, but the fact is that he is so very creative in his ways. I love that about Him. He sent me a Lion. The most fierce and protective animal there is.
Y’all. I’ll take him.
Tonight, in all my freedom I was feeling from this dumb struggle, I let loose. I spun around in chairs, and laughed like a crazy person. Laughing is good for the soul.
Laughing during this time silences my enemy.
