The only way I can describe the feel is comparing it to a scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Dr Jones is faced with the edge of a cave he's just clambered through, before him is a drop that if he were to fall he'd certainly plummet to his death. Indiana repeats to himself that he must believe in order to proceed without falling, he takes a deep breath closes his eyes sticks his foot out and steps forward. Alas the path of God displays itself allowing Indiana Jones to continue his quest to find the grail. We all know he manages to survive, saves the day and rides off into the sunset, but taking the leap of faith like Indiana did is how I'm feeling right now (although I won't be plummeting to my death in this situation).
I was just like many who force themselves through the education system collecting qualifications but never really understanding where they are headed. From the age of 15 all I wanted to do was work in the music industry, I was dedicated to street teams and helping promote the latest pop group, then moved onto review music, work experience at major labels and finally working for Universal Records as a regional A&R scout. Everything came to an abrupt holt as jobs were cut and my dream began to slip through my fingers. I'd tailored my entire life around working in music but no matter what I did I couldn't worm my way back in. 
I finally gave up trying as knock backs were bruising my confidence and settled with the idea that I was destined to be an office worker in something like events, marketing or as a PA. All of these areas I've explored but never felt fulfilled with. 
My last job that I just left I was an Administrator/PA. I lasted a year because I couldn't be someone who was boxed in from creativity, plus office work doing the same thing day in day out was literally mind numbing. I applied for jobs left right and center initially going for big jobs which matched my qualification, but tiresome of waiting I was ready to be a cleaner or a checkout girl. I was desperate to get out as I was waking up dreading going and counting down how long I had left each day at work. 
Something happened to me whilst I was there one day, I remember it clearly as I left the office feeling deflated and upset. My family and my fiance tried to support me by telling me that I would find something else soon, but that wasn't happening and I was still stuck there. My attitude had changed and like Claire Danes in Stardust I'd finally lost my glow. I felt so low sat in the car on the way home, I looked out the window and felt trapped. I could only compare how I felt that day to when I was told I had epilepsy and I lost my driving license. That right there was the straw that broke the camels back. 
I'm not actually a very confident person believe it or not, I struggle to really believe in myself and will always ask for confirmation that what I'm doing is correct for fear of being made to look like a fool, but something had finally snapped inside me and I woke up the next morning deciding I was going to be brave. When I moved back from France I started my blog as a place to let off steam, I had no direction for it whatsoever but now I couldn't bare to be without it or all the friends I've made because of it. I wanted it everyday to be with me and that's when I knew this was the time to leap. 
I have a degree and masters in arts management with a specialism in digital marketing, I knew if I could get the word out there that I could offer dedicated time to companies and potentially make a living out of my passion. I spoke to my fiance and my Mum and instead of worrying and asking for permission from them, I told them this is what I was going to do and this is how I would pay the bills. I then explained that if it didn't work out I'd just do any job until I got something permanent again. Even hearing myself say this I felt confident for the first time in my ability... I was changing and becoming me again. 
So here we are at the end of my first week as a full time freelancer. I've just started working two days a week with a fantastic company doing their digital marketing and I can now spend time writing what I want to on my blog. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous as we have just put a deposit down for our wedding next July, but you know what, whichever way you look at it life is too short to be miserable. I read The Travelhacks post about her journey to self employment I'm praying that I will too be writing such a positive outcome like hers.
Nervous and excited are the simplest but best words to describe how I'm feeling.
Wish me luck. *gulp*
Anniexoxo
