In her Sunday column yesterday, Washington Post writer Michelle Singletary talks about her book pick of the month–The New Love Deal: Everything You Must Know Before Marrying, Moving In or Moving On. This book essentially instructs the reader to get it in writing before furthering commitment. It speaks to everyone, both the married and unmarried but cohabitating, about protecting their financial assets in the event that love ends. From prenups to the handling your finances during the dissolution of your relationship or marriage–this book was written to help folks plan realistically not just for a possible split, but also as a way to keep the relationship strong through maintaining healthy financial communication, planning and management throughout the relationship. According to one of its authors “The less preparation you do, the more likely you are to fail.”
Topics covering life goals, handling a one bread winner scenario, and saving for retirement are all covered. They discuss the wisdom of separate bank accounts and time frames for one spouse staying at home to care for the children. The also touch on the often taboo subject of hidden debt that individuals bring into the relationship, yet never fully disclose to their partner. They suggest that exchanging credit reports is a great way to do this. Doesn’t sound very romantic, but there is much wisdom in it. One of the authors suggested that once you get the money talk over with—it clears the way for everything else.
Ms. Singletary highly recommends this book to her readers and so do I. Even if money isn’t the #1 thing that couples fight about—it is often the #1 way they act out the unhealthy dynamics and other problematic issues in their relationship. Therefore, learning to address finances upfront, and having open and candid talks about money before it becomes an issue—can really help a couple know if they are compatible in a number of important ways. Lifestyle goals, parenting styles, attitudes about spending VS saving, and the ability to give up short term wants for long term goals—are all important issues that happy couples usually agree on.
