I promised a guest blog by my friend, Janice Love, author of the book, 1 + 1 = 10 A First Lady’s Survival Guide for Stepmoms, so here is her reality check blog, including some things that just might help some readers gain a bit of perspective. Check out her website at www.stepwithlove.org
The Fight is On!
The number one conflict in stepfamilies is related to the children, and the second is money. Early in our marriage we prided ourselves on never having an argument. We were a united force, because it was us against the world. Somewhere around year three, we began to draw biological lines in the sand and were disagreeing regularly, with eighty percent of our discord related to our children. Arguments came when we least expected. Our conversation may have started out very pleasant about what we were planning to prepare for dinner, and before we knew were in a full blown argument about food.
In fact we argued about food from several different angles. Looking back now, we were arguing about FOOD! I could never have imagined arguing with anyone about what to eat, how to cook it, who would cook it, how to eat it, when to eat it, or what to do with the leftovers. But believe it or not, we had arguments about all of the above and then some. In fact I titled a chapter in my book "The Kitchen Wars." I can laugh about some of those conversations now, but at the time, it wasn't funny at all.
Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1 (NIV)
Realize, that wherever there are differences, there will be conflict. When conflict comes, and trust me it will come, handle it without causing permanent damage to your relationship with your spouse and your stepchildren. When discussing delicate issues, make sure you are not trying to prove you are right and your spouse is wrong. Accept that you are different and established pattern, behaviors and traditions long before you met one another. Learn to accept the things you cannot change and use discernment when deciding what issues to confront. As my husband says, "figure out which hill to die on!" Happy eating.
