When I read the Amazon reviews for this book, I noticed a very telling comment: "I wish I had this book when my children were young." The same could be said about our own childhood. When we were kids, bullying was just something we dealt with at school. We had to deal with homework and with academic pressure, and we had to deal with our changing bodies and our changing identities, and we had to deal with bullies. Well, there are good news and bad news. The bad news first: Bullying is taking on new forms. Bullying is not just the kid blocking your way in the hallway, and it's not the group of girls talking about you while you sit alone during lunch. Now bullying extends to text messages, to Facebook pages, to websites devoted to making fun of other kids, and more. But there are also good news.
Bullying is no longer a given. It is no longer acceptable to raise a bully--a bully is now a stain on the family, rather than a sign of a strong personality. Families of bullies fight bullying, families of victims fight bullying, teachers, principals, cities, states, and countries do not accept bullying as an inevitable part of childhood anymore.
This book, The Essential Guide to Bullying: Prevention And Intervention, follows the recent movie, Bully (created by one of the co-writers of this book), which aimed to shed a light on the phenomenon. The book, however, continues where the movie left off: illuminating a problem is not enough, and this book is more interested in moving the conversation the movie started onto the next stage: solutions.
Some of the chapters in the book include theories about bullying, others point at different types of bullies and of bullied kids, and most importantly, the book contains steps we can take as parents of bullies, as well as of bullied kids and of bystanders--the kids who let bullying happen, and who may be the key to solving the problem.
There are some issues I had with the book. When you try to write a chapter about types of bullies and about the difference between bullying done by males and females, for example, you end up using broad generalizations. These may be necessary to use in this type of book, but it is still unfortunate that they exist.
I also had a philosophical problem with a chapter dealing with steps we can take to help a bullied kid, by teaching him he stands more of a chance to be left alone if he learns to appear more assertive by looking the bully in the eye. It may be true, and it may be very helpful, but I had a problem with the message it sends: that bullying is a result of a victim's perceived weakness. Again, it might be helpful, but does a bully really deserve society's attempts to appease him? I'm much more interested in ways for schools to act to stop bullies, and for parents to make sure kids don't turn into bullies.
Fortunately, these issues are dealt with as well, later in the book. There are also chapters on educating the victims--telling them that what happens to them is not normal and not a natural part of life, but something that must be stopped.
"Your reaction to the kinds of behavior your child is experiencing can help him see that bullying isn't okay, and he doesn't deserve it."
There are chapters that include "Plans of Action," once bullying has been discovered.
And there is even an appendix that includes samples of pledges and letters we can use in schools, or send to other authorities, in case dealing with a school does not bring the result we had hoped for.
This book is an indicator of a positive change on the one hand, and of the long road still ahead on the other hand. But more importantly, it is a tool people can use to change society class by class, school by school, and city by city.
