Ladies take to the code easily. Men tend to be more selfish creatures. The only code they understand is the bro code. That's why I feel it is a lady's duty to inform her significant other of this code, and see to it that he fully understands.
Men need things spelled out for them. It's true! Ask any man. They want to please women, but they think we are indecipherable. Nonsense! Very few women are indecipherable, most are more than willing to tell a man exactly what they are thinking. The problem results in the telling.
Allow me to provide an example.
Crystal wants to introduce her new boyfriend to her group of friends, so she decides to throw a casual dinner party. The guests arrive, but still no boyfriend. Crystal receives a text from the new beau saying he is running late. Finally, the boyfriend arrives thirty minutes after the start of the party. When he walks in, he kisses Crystal on the cheek and offers a "sorry I'm late" to the group.
Imagine you are Crystal. Here is how this situation should be handled. Introduce him around and stand by your man. I'm sure you are angry that he wasn't there before the party began, but that should be discussed later.
Once the guests have all gone home, sit down and discuss the situation. Start with something like, do you mind telling me why you were late? He will probably have a really good excuse. If he has made it far enough to meet your friends, he better have a good excuse. Then let him know that you would have liked him to explain things better before he got there. That way you could smooth things over with the friends in time for his grand entrance.
This will probably confuse him, so you may have to explain that being late, to a friend, could mean that the guy is a slacker and not worthy of the lovely lady throwing the party. Once he understands that, then you can explain the code of reflection. In this situation, the guy being late demonstrated that she couldn't pick a reliable guy. Explain that the person present will always have to answer for the person absent's actions. This is true in all aspects of life. No, this does not mean that either person is responsible for the other's actions, it just means that couples have to answer for one another.
This stream of dialog should get through, however, if you say all of this out of order and all at once, he is just going to nod and smile and promise to call next time. This is how we get the bad rep. Sometimes we say everything at once and don't give the guy time to catch up. Be sure to go step by step, and you will soon find your guy doing better with the code of reflection. If he doesn't start to do better, then his lack of effort should guide you to bring up a more serious topic. Maybe you have a communication issue, or maybe he doesn't care about the relationship anymore and is doing only the bare minimum. Either way, it's time to talk.
I'll be sure to speak more on communication later. The communication in my marriage was very one sided, but I knew how to make my point. In the end, he even commented that he never had to wonder what I was thinking, because all he had to do was ask.
Work on your communication couples, because the code of reflection is important. If ignored, it can lead to problems within friendship circles and the work place. Relationships are hard enough to navigate, no need to bring in the entire world.
