Family Magazine

The Blessing of Just Being Available is Huge to Me.

By Rachel Rachelhagg @thehaggerty5

Today I learned that God has an even deeper sense of humor than I ever thought possible. I mean, I know he created humor, because lets be real, laughing is the best medicine. But today, he went above and beyond to make me laugh, and teach me how his heart works.

At Costco today, I had a sweet four month old baby girl I am watching strapped to my chest in the Boba carrier, and my two girls in the cart, side by side. All was like a blissful fairy tale, samples galore as a gorgeous baby girl fell in and out of dream land on my chest. 


(((((my girls)))))

Looking at my imaginary list I had in my head, that I forget, even in my head, I walked aisle to aisle looking for things that weren’t on that list. Suddenly I ran across a new protein-ish bar that looked like I could eat it quickly for breakfast. Breakfast for Mom at my house is whatever is left, whatever is easy, and whatever turned cold. This bar looked like the answer to all of my prayers. Healthy. Tasty. EASY.

There it went into my cart without looking at the ingredients, nothing. The box alone looked safe enough. Plus I was super hot with a baby strapped to me that the refrigerated section was so appealing, I stood there for a solid ten minutes. I’m not sure what I was doing, but the girls were quiet as I aired out my manly arm pits.

The afternoon was hot, and my toddler refused to nap. I decided on the park to save myself a couple of gray hairs. Although I am blonde, I am afraid of the gray that I know is in there. Hiding from me. Waiting until my worst day to reveal itself. 

This park always proves to show me a good time. I’m not kidding. It never fails that I have an awesome encounter with the Lord there. It’s like someone sprayed anointing oil everywhere and called it holy, and left for the day.

The sun was blaring as I set up my lounge chair to watch the kids play. My ice cold water bottle was ready for me, and so was my NEW BAR. Oh, the heavenly taste of that peanut butter. The first bite was much like my wedding night. Full of surprises and I’ll stop there.

I finished the peanut butter bar, super full and happy. The minutes ticked by as I had to help Adah down the hot slide and assure her that her butt was not on fire. Asher crashed on his bicycle without a helmet because I forgot one and I am an unfit Mom. Rhema brought her naked Barbie doll. That’s all I have to say.

It wasn’t long before my stomach started to rumble. I mean the rumble that is dangerous, vicious. Had I checked the ingredients list on the box before I ate the bar? No. Because I cannot read, so my brain said. I just wanted to eat.

The rumbling felt all too familiar, and I knew I had eaten someone baked with eggs. The pains immediately started, as I tried to breathe through the waves like a dang contraction. For the past two years I have been egg intolerant. Allergic to eggs. Eggs make me feel like hell. Eggs hate me. Eggs are evil. Eggs, I love you. I miss you.

Trying to remain calm, I began to pray. I sat down in my chair, knowing full well that soon I would be heading for the restroom. This time I couldn’t use a diaper.

Sitting there in pain I began to see the heart of the woman across the park. I was downloaded by the Holy Spirit about her life, her hurts, and more importantly the babies she lost in her womb. I knew specifically how many she had lost, and their genders. I sat there as the pain began to increase, knowing full well the ending wouldn’t be pretty. I drank a bottle of water in one sitting, and tried to remain calm.

The Lord spoke clearly to my spirit:

” Get up and talk to her, and I will give you relief from your pain.”

Cool Lord, can you also promise me that I won’t poop in my pants when we are in deep spiritual conversation?

” You won’t. Now go.”

I’ve learned that when he asks me to do something, there is no time to kick rocks, or act like I didn’t hear him. I just need to do it. 

Her son and mine began to play on the nearby soccer field, to the right of the park. We laughed together watching them pass the ball, and miss the goals over and over.

” Hi, my name is Rachel. My son’s name is Asher. My daughters are over there on the slide. Rhema and Adah”

and the pain went away.

” Oh nice to meet you. My son’s name is Spencer. I only have one.”

The conversation escalated to the point I felt like it was time to deliver what the Lord wanted her to hear.

I reached for her hand, and her brown eyes met mine. Knowing full well this wasn’t going to be my words, I opened my mouth and let the Holy Spirit speak to her.

” I hope this isn’t too forward, but watching you earlier, how loving you were to your son… the Lord gave me a word for you. I believe you know him , yes?”

” Yes, I do know Him. For a long time.”

” That’s what I thought. He gave me a word for you, an impression I felt the need to share. Is that ok with you that I share?”

” I’m not sure what that means, but yes.”

” Well, it’s very simple. Sitting there across the park from you Jesus began to tell me how much he loves you. How much he cares for you. He told me of the babies you have lost, and wanted you to know how deeply he grieves with you. How He is present with you in the midst of heartache and bitterness. How he has never once been angry with you for being angry with him. He wants you to know that the babies you lost, he loves too. He is holding them, and wants to hold you. His precious daughter, in whom he is well pleased.”

Now. I have given a lot of prophetic words in all the 798 years I’ve been on this earth. But not one of them topped her response.

Her eyes grew wider and wider. Her brows fixed downward and confused.

” Um. Yes. I have lost babies. How did you know that? So you mean you were just sitting there and Jesus told you? “

” Yep. Sometimes he will just give me an impression of someones life, so that He can speak to them. He is so proud of the mother that you are to Spencer. The Mother that you are to the babies in heaven. He wants you to know that he is pleased with you. Weeps when you weep. Loves what you love. “

It was then I was able to share my story of loss. A tiny bit of my life, that would allow me to become relate-able to women. A part of my life that was horrific and graphic and mean, but one that could allow me to love women on a level that I never could have before.

After talking for a while, me and the woman agreed to meet again next week. The blessing of just being available is huge to me. Not to mention the fact that the Lord totally healed my stomach while I was speaking to her.

I would like to add that he wasn’t so merciful when I got home. Speaking of diapers.

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