Here is your infallible, 100 percent accurate, universally agreed-upon, ranked list of Halloween candies. The candies you hoped for when trick-or-treating as a kid, and you buy for yourself now as an adult. There were the candies that you sorted and hid on Halloween night. They may have been traded at school for other high-value treats but were never just given away for free.
There’s very little to feel joyful about in the world these days. That’s why we’re challenging you to buy yourself a few of these top 15 Halloween candies. While you’re at it, dole out some, in a socially distanced fashion, to the people in your life.
15. Charms Blow Pops
The best thing Blow Pops have going for them is that they are, in a sense, two candies in one. They’re inferior to Tootsie Pops, who have a much more rewarding center. Inevitably, you chew the rubbery gum for .03 seconds and get a jaw ache. However, the watermelon flavor is a delight; no gum needed.
14. Tootsie Rolls
Chocolate-flavored wax. They’re cheap, somehow they’re always stale, and they don’t even taste like chocolate. It’s like someone described chocolate to a mad scientist, and this is what they created.
13. Banana LaffyTaffy
Can someone explain to us why they make banana flavor? It’s over-represented in bulk bags, it tastes like a Carnivale Cruise hangover, and it ruins your candy-palate for the next couple of hours because everything tastes like sunscreen.
12. Starbursts
We’re talking to everyone, EXCEPT pink Starburst. They’re perfect, a treasure, a top-ten candy for sure. Again, why yellow? It just ruins everyone’s day. Also, a stale Starburst can both crack a tooth and pull out a filling. On the plus side, people dump handfuls of these in trick-or-treater bags.
11. Twizzlers
We’re more of a Red Vine family, but good luck finding those in a reasonable Halloween-sized package. Pro-candy consumers know to limber up your Twizzler by using it as a straw for your soda.
10. M&Ms
Such a reliable candy. Chocolate with a cronch. The little trick-or-treat sized bags are a perfect mid-afternoon pick-me-up and go great with a cup of coffee. Original, peanut, peanut butter, pick a favorite, and buy yourself a bulk bag.
9. Hershey Bars
There’s something noble, refined, elegant about a plain chocolate bar. If you’ve ever bitten into the side of a full-size bar instead of breaking off a piece, you feel like a millionaire with a devil-may-care attitude.
8. York Peppermint Patty
This is like your post-Halloween digestif. Even after you’ve gorged yourself on sugar, a Peppermint Patty is the perfect last-candy. They’re minty and chocolatey with 10/10 texture.
7. KitKat
KitKat’s feel less like a true candy and more like a grown-up treat. They’ve scienced the chocolate-covered wafer to perfection, and we appreciate the effort. Even though you may not get excited over a KitKat, it’s better than finding a Mr. Goodbar.
6. 3 Musketeers
While we may have railed against chocolate-flavored things earlier in this list, we’re putting 3 Musketeers up as the exception that proves the rule. This candy is so dense, so packed with chocolate nougat that by the end, you’re not sure what you’ve eaten, but you’re happy for the experience.
5. Butterfinger
Does anyone know what the substance in the middle of a Butterfinger is? It’s flaky, nutty, one of our all-time top five candy substances. A full-size Butterfinger is asking for a lot of mess, but the fun-size is the perfect amount of peanut butter toffee.
4. Twix
If we ever encountered the cookie outside of the candy bar, it’d be a dry, tasteless biscuit. But once it’s layered with caramel and coated with chocolate, it’s the perfect foil to all that rich sweetness.
3. Almond Joy & Mounds
Chocolate and coconut go so well together. We’ll say if you’re someone who hates coconut (why?) then, this is a biffed #3 pick, but for everyone else who loves a macaroon, it’s always a delight to find these in a Halloween spread.
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2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
The bite-size version of peanut butter cups might be one of the few instances where fun-size is more fun. Reese’s is working with a can’t fail combination of peanut butter and chocolate.
1. Full-Size Snickers
Want to be a hero in your neighborhood? Buy a box of full-size Snickers to place on your Halloween grab-and-go station. Snickers are the perfect candy–creamy chocolate, chewy nougat, salty peanuts, and sweet caramel. Even the fun-size bars carry enough clout to be the #1 all-time best Halloween candy.
Featured Photo Credit: Pixabay
