If you follow the reality dating show, The bachelor, you will vividly remember how the last episode ended–with Kelsey hyperventilating on the floor. A paramedic was quickly on site and giving her oxygen and her crisis seemed more emotional than physical, most likely a panic attack. This followed closely on the heels of her abruptly standing up and saying she couldn’t handle the Rose Ceremony—even though she had been calm and confident when the ladies first gathered for the evening. So what in the world happened, you ask?
Kelsey often whines when she doesn’t like an activity, like camping. She also whined quite a bit about Chris spending time with other women, kissing them, and showing that he felt some connection with them. Most telling was the episode when during one-on-one with the camera, Kelsey complained that another girl was getting all the attention because she had fallen out of the raft while white water rafting and was having a lot of trouble due to the cold. Chris as rescuer was massaging her feet and legs and attempting to warm her as jealous Bachelorettes looked on. None of them were happy about it, but Kelsey went into detail about not having a problem and a good story—since she was always “fine” she didn’t get any attention.
After weeks in the house and following the rafting date, Kelsey told her story to the girls for the first time. Indeed it is a sad story and the girls gathered round and expressed their sympathy and support to Kelsey. However, Kelsey’s affect seemed to not match what she was sharing and some of the other women were left feeling confused and unsure of who the real Kelsey is. Imagine doubting a story like hers, yet on this show anything seems possible because we have seen a lot of high drama and deceit on past episodes.
For me this episode brought up the potential pitfalls of competition, and the pressure to go all out in self-marketing when dating. When women (or men) feel insecure or threatened by a challenge they might tweak, embellish or attempt to hide their true self. It’s not uncommon for someone to exaggerate, name drop, form alliances to gain an advantage—or somehow present themselves as being someone they really are not. In a reality show where 30 women (30!) are presented to one bachelor to choose from, it can get ugly, fast. Kelsey took a few weeks to both open up and go into full drama mode, and it seemed carefully timed to get Chris’s attention, sympathy and a rose for that episode.
No feedback I could give would be more useful than looking back at previous seasons of The Bachelor and focusing for a minute on the women who made it to the end and who are now married to their bachelor.
Jason and (runner-up) Molly
Sean and Katherine
Then there are a few Bachelorettes who were contestants on the Bachelor first, then were chosen to be the next bachelorette—and are still happily with their guy.
Trista and Charlie
Ashley and JP
Desiree and Chris
Now what do these winning contestants all have in common? None were drama queens/kings, all were down-to-earth and sincere, and they were all clearly there for the reason they said they were. No hidden agendas, stunts for attention, or back-biting and dirty play from these folks. So for anyone who wants to win at love—play fairly and honestly. There’s nothing that can compete with that.
