Juan Pablo is a sexy guy. This is the consensus of fans, the current crop of Bachelorettes and women in general. He’s physically attractive, emotional and passionate and his “suitorettes’ all say he’s a great kisser. He’s every woman’s dream, right? No, apparently not every woman.
Sharlene left the show last week after much anguish over her decision to do so. She enjoyed being with him and admitted to feeling “so much chemistry” with him. So why would she have doubts and struggle with the idea that this may not be a relationship that could go the distance? Simply put, they didn’t have enough intellectual chemistry, which is one of the three pieces of chemistry that are needed (I have always believed) to have the right overall relationship chemistry.
In our culture, there is a belief that we need to feel those dizzying feelings of physical attraction to know that he or she is “the one.” When the word chemistry is used, folks are almost always talking about the physical chemistry they have or need to have with their present or future partner. Perhaps this is why I have heard from so many singles over the years who are struggling with whether they should continue in a relationship with their “best friend” who they are not strongly physically attracted to. Some have the physical attraction but the friendship is missing. For others, they are great friends and lovers, but they don’t “feel challenged” or they are “bored”- which is a sign that the intellectual chemistry is missing.
Sharlene showed impressive insight, maturity and honesty when she came to the decision she did. How much easier it would have been for her to stay with the show, enjoy the fun and perks, hold a place that could be filled by someone more suited for it- and maybe get to the top of the line to be the next Bachelorette. Instead, her choice was unselfish, honest and showed her very classy side. Juan Pablo saw that in her and was attracted to it- but for Charlene, he didn’t have the right stuff in return.
I imagine Sharlene will end up choosing a man who is very wordly and highly educated. He will probably speak several languages, be passionate about the arts, be very well read and traveled- and stand out as an intellectual. He will be physically attractive to her, even though maybe not as much so to other women with her level of good looks. They will connect well through discourse, will inspire and excite one another through their ideas and conversation- and she will never feel bored in his presence. In other words, he will complete her in ways she knew Juan Pablo never could.
If you find that you are in a relationship where it feels like something is missing, or have met someone who interests you, but not as strongly as you would like- pay attention to your instincts. It’s very likely that one of those three essential elements of relationship chemistry are missing. If you would like to read a piece I wrote that discusses this in more detail, click here
