…and how to have it
Most of us are pretty good at saying encouraging things to each other. Without too much effort, we can bring encouraging words to our lips as we speak or our fingers as we write. The other kind come quite easily too – those words which belittle and dismantle the other. Sometimes the hardest words of all to find are those which we need in order to have an awkward conversation. These are the words which seem so elusive when we want to raise something difficult without crushing the spirit of the other person.
I was thinking about all of this last week whilst preparing a sermon on Philippians 2 v. 12- 18, when the following exchange took place on Twitter. I have blanked out the names other than my own, but I think you get the gist:
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We all have room for improvement when it comes to such conversations, I reckon!
When Paul was writing to the church in Philippi he must have found it hard to do so without passion. The founding of the church there had been an adventure of faith from start to finish: called in a dream, busted out of prison by an angel, run out of town by the city authorities – it was not a place he was liable to forget! That said, news was filtering back to him of arrogance, preaching from the wrong motives, and a lot of moaning and grumbling too. His response is a model for that difficult conversation:
Tone
My years of radio broadcasting have taught me, largely through my own mistakes, that tone is king. Engagement on radio is all about finding the right tone. Paul does that here – embarking on his difficult conversation with his description of the readers as ‘my dear friends’.
Affirmation
He goes on to affirm that God has been (v.12) is (v.13) and will be (v.15) at work in them. No difficult conversation should ever bring into any doubt our belief that God is at work in the person with whom we are holding it.
Aspiration
Paul also affirms his belief that God has plans of cosmic enormity for them. They will be like stars in the sky (v.15) – a word which later came to refer to the harbor lights which guided ships safely into a haven at night. If we get this ‘awkward conversations’ thing right, the sky’s the limit.
Back in 1984, I was a young man on a mission. I was working on a church planting team in Southern Belgium and burning the proverbial candle at both ends. The work was exhausting – not least because of the linguistic challenges. I came home for my first break expecting to impress everybody with the holy aura of my noble exhaustion. It didn’t work. An older friend and mentor took me on one side and had one of ‘those’ conversations with me. ‘If you don’t stop this’, she said ‘you will be dead by the time you are thirty’. Thankfully – I listened, and I am forever thankful that she said it.
How will your awkward conversations go today?
