The art of relationship maintenance
I was talking with a client recently about changes she was making in her marriage. These changes resulted from a better understanding of the needs and wants she and her husband had within their marriage.
She indicated things were improving and she was a lot happier. When I asked why things were getting better, my client replied, “Simple relationship maintenance.”
“Well,” I asked, “what does that mean exactly?”
She explained she was doing the little things she knew were important to her husband. She was surprised at the positive results these little actions inspired. My client concluded, “I’m focusing on what I have in my marriage, and not on what is missing.”
What does “maintenance” mean and how does it impact a relationship? Do most couples realize their relationship needs constant work and effort, or do they think their connection will just take care of itself? Could many relationship problems or issues be the result of low to zero maintenance by either or both partners?
Think about it, most of what we encounter daily requires maintenance of some sort.
If we own a car, we know about “Factory Scheduled Maintenance” designed to help ensure trouble-free operation of the car. Following recommended service performed within specified mileage intervals helps anticipate needed repairs to prevent damage from normal wear and tear.
For homeowners, certain things need special attention to keep our havens structurally sound and free from environmental damage. Preventive programs keep things under control.
What about health? There are certainly things we do to maintain a good quality of life. We try to prevent stress from taking toll on our bodies to protect our immune system and keep us from getting sick. We plan a lifestyle geared to reducing stress and promoting wellness.
No doubt “maintenance” is something we do most every day. But when it comes to our very personal relationships, where do we stand? Do we have a regular scheduled maintenance plan designed to prevent problems from occurring? While relationship maintenance may not be as simple as a scheduled oil change, neglecting this important part of our lives could have inconvenient or even deadly consequences.
Becoming more attentive to our relationship with our partner will contribute to overall happiness and add to relationship longevity.
Why not talk with your spouse or partner to find out what he or she thinks might be missing or is a weak link between the two of you? By taking inventory of what is and isn’t working in your relationship, you’re putting yourself on the path to resolving issues before they turn into difficult problems layered with blame, anger, confusion, or guilt. If necessary, professional counseling may be required to help navigate the maze.
It’s all about commitment and priorities. Taking the time to keep your relationship running smoothly and well maintained is well worth the effort. Relationship Maintenance is well worth the effort.
