Ten Things I Learned This Week:
1. There’s a man named Alvin standing on the corner of Atlantic and Court who is looking for a white girlfriend.
2. If you give a cat a Wild Side Salmon treat, they will start begging for them like they’re a dog.
3. It’s debatable whether or not it’s acceptable to hit a yelling man riding the wrong way down a one-way street with your car if he has a baby in a carrier on the back of his bike.
4. My next door neighbors are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and they send their friends to solicit us while they watch from a tinted mini-van parked in front of the fire hydrant outside our door.
5. I thought there was a child living in the apartment above us for a year, but just realized that there is no child, the girl up there just speaks in a baby voice.
6. All that’s necessary for a raging Solange dance party is a girl, a gay, and two bottles of prosecco.
7. I’m afraid of the number 13.
8. It’s better to keep to myself, because then I’ll never give anyone the chance to hate me.
9. If you flick off a woman in a minivan, she will try to run you over.
10. The two weeks that the trees are flowering in Carroll Gardens makes living here for the rest of the year completely worth it.
