What’s up?
It’s a simple question that should illicit a relatively straightforward and immediate reply.
In fact, “not much” would be an adequate enough response, because that would mean that the conversation is now over, and we can all move on with our lives with a sense of closure in regard to the initial inquiry into your present state of affairs.
If a normal person approached another normal person and asked that question, they’d probably have no problem giving a direct response. And, depending on the level of intimacy that the two people share, the context of the question being asked, and whether or not person A has to be someplace important, like, for instance, anywhere else, the entire exchange should take milliseconds.
“And then I got really really dizzy. I didn’t know what he was talking about, and it made me so mad and sad at the same time. I don’t even know who I am anymore?”
On the other hand, it usually takes a circle-talker anywhere from 4 days to 30 years to reveal this easy information, while in the meantime, the asker is wandering around in a foggy, dream-like state, wondering whether or not they should check themselves into a ward to address a mental health issue that up until this conversation has gone undetected.
The truth is, it’s a filler question and most people aren’t really that concerned. So that means that definitely, without a doubt, the asker doesn’t give a flying Menendez about anything else being disclosed beyond the original question.
Let’s ask another question for the purpose of clarification:
What fucking part of that question did you not understand?
This is not Jeopardy, there is no hidden motive behind the question, and nobody asked for your personal conspiracy theory about the Iranian Hostage Situation. Answer the fucking god damn question please, so that we can leave and get on with our lives knowing what exactly is “up” in your life…
In case you’ve never had a conversation with a circle talker, here’s how one typically unfolds:
Chowderhead: Hey, what’s up?
Circle Talker: I tried calling you last week and you didn’t answer?
Chowderhead: Oh, I’m sorry. I completely forgot that you called.
Circle Talker: Whenever somebody calls you on the phone it’s for a reason, and you should have the common decency to call them back.
Chowderhead: I’m terribly sorry, honestly. But here we are! Tell me what’s new in your life.
Circle Talker: I pay too much for that phone, so you should check your voicemails once every so often. Just wanted to let you know that.
Chowderhead: I made a note.
Circle Talker: Is that recycled paper that you’re taking your notes on?
Chowderhead:
I missed something here.
Having a conversation with a circle talker is a lot like trying to pinch a loaf with a pair of rubber underwear on; it’s unproductive, and it requires too much needless effort.
Somebody should sign a bill mandating that semi trailers be sent out across the U.S. to collect and extract these people, and have them promptly shipped off to a massive Kindergarten classroom detention compound where they will forcefully be taught basic communication skills on a chalkboard the size of Rhode Island before they cause any more distress to an otherwise high-functioning society.
Whew! That was a mouthful.
So let’s have a circular conversation now about Circle Talkers.
We’ll start with a question: What’s up?
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