As is always the risk in writing a column like this, my words from last week have come back to haunt me. Forgive me for using direct quotations, but my exact words were:
“Additionally, the news that Ronaldo, Bale, Fabregas and Modric are all targets is wildly exciting, although totally unrealistic”.
Now either the Man United media machine has been ruthlessly briefing all and sundry with the same fantasy stories, or The People were actually on to something last week (which I duly ridiculed). Note to self to be less dismissive of the well oiled tabloid machine this week. And so we begin with…
The Sun
Nothing like creating a story where one doesn’t even exist. The paper claims that David Moyes is “under siege” due to his struggle to sign Ronaldo and Fabregas and keep Wayne Rooney. My inital hope was that this would be one of those great comedy articles namechecking as many random films as possible. Unfortunately, seeing the authors of said piece were Beasley and Custis meant that this would not prove to be the case. So, Moyes is embroiled in a crisis in not signing Ronaldo (who, let’s not forget The Sun have predicted to sign for Man Utd on 8th August) and co. In unrelated personal news, I am currently “under siege” as a result of not winning the lottery on Saturday. Browsing through the paper, the only other story of note is Heurelho Gomes wanting to re-sign for PSV. Which makes me think that all the main journos are on the piss are hard at work covering pre-season tours. Lets hope for something more worthwhile next week.
Under Siege was a great film. God bless Steven Seagal. Courtesy of This Gig
The People
I am going to be slightly more cautious when slating The People, seeing as they broke the Navas and Fernandinho signings to City and the United interest in Fabregas. Normally, a story linking Yohan Cabaye with a move to Old Trafford would be met with a large pinch of salt, but maybe, just maybe “Nicko” Nixon and the boys are onto something. More Newcastle news follows, with Papiss Cisse rumoured to be heading to Zenit. However, he won’t be replaced by Darren Bent, who is heading in the direction of Fulham. Joyous news for Arsenal fans with the news that Nicklas Bendtner may decide to stay at The Emirates, and good news for West Ham fans as well, as they are in the running for Salomon Kalou. On face value, these stories look like they’ve been put together just before going to print by tired, half pissed hacks. However, The People do have some kind of form, so ignore at your peril.
The Sunday Mirror
Continuing with the Newcastle theme, the paper bases its main transfer story by thinking of as many strikers as possible and then suggesting that they are all on the radar of Joe Kinnear. Bafetimbi Gomis, Andre-Pierre Gignac, Darren Bent, Loic Remy, Oscar Cardozo, Mirandinha and Geoff from Byker Grove are the names mentioned.
I wish I could grow a beard like that. The best beard on children’s TV EVER!!! Courtesy of byker-grove.tumblr.com
Again, Papiss Cisse is on the way out, although no mention of Zenit this time with Rubin Kazan, Anzhi, Dortmund and “several French clubs” all mentioned. This article makes me think that a) Papiss Cisse’s agent has been a busy bee and b) The ‘several French clubs’ don’t include PSG or Monaco. I am always slightly amazed when papers use this type of mass generalisation. Do they think that we won’t have heard of the clubs in question? Can they not be bothered to write them down? Or (most likely) have they just made it up to fill copy? Whatever the answer, it shows at best journalistic laziness and at worst a disdain for the reader.
The other main transfer story focuses on the players that seems to be sneaking under the radar this summer – Wayne Rooney and Cesc Fabregas. May I take this opportunity first of all to thank Mr.Stretford for the story during the week about Wayne being “angered and confused” about his ‘treatment’. Purely marvellous comedy and theatre all around.
Wait a minute…it was serious?!
OK Wayne, let me spell it out for you. United want to sell you because van Persie is far better than you and so is Kagawa for that matter. Back to the Sunday Mirror story, Rooney will cost £30m, as will Fabregas. Lots of smiles expected if that all goes through, but not I imagine in North London…
The Daily Star on Sunday
It will surprise very few that the main stories again revolve around Messrs Fabregas and Rooney. Surprise, surprise, United are very keen to sign one and not so keen to keep the other. Onto more interesting news and fresh from missing out on Christian Beneteke, Spurs are after Roberto Soldado and Loic Remy, while Man City fancy Pepe to add some calmness and control to their defence. Indeed, both clubs are meant to be after Eduardo Salvio of Benfica as well.
Amusingly, Michael Carrick was the subject of enquiries from Arsenal and Galatasaray and Ashley Williams still finds himself linked with an improbable £12m move to Arsenal. Good work by his agent in keeping that story alive. Someone at the paper obviously read The Sunday Mirror last week, as they have lifted the Frank De Boer quote on a move to Liverpool for Christian Eriksen word for word – they even have the cheek to call it an exclusive as well! Shame on you Carl Eldridge!!
To summarise this week -, Rooney/Fabregas,going/staying …no-one has a clue in reality, but why let that get in the way of publishing anything??!
