Diaries Magazine

Tactful Ways to Have Fun at Work!

By Blairbarnes

I have been in the industry as a server and bartender either full or
part time for 13 years now. I have seen and heard some amazing things
in my time. I love the stories everyone, keep them coming.

Anyway…Being a server, I have to deal with stupid people, so instead
of biting my tongue, I say what I am thinking. I figured out a way to
be an asshole and have people love me for it. Most of them actually
tip me better, and some even come back and ask for me.(No, I never
worked at Ed Debevic’s) I even showed a buddy how to do it. Our
coworkers called us Mouth and Lips. We used to interrupt each other at
our tables and talk shit about the other to the guests, we made work
fun for everyone. But, my insulting guests is the topic here so
without further ado, my favorite insults;

Guest: “Where is my diet coke?”
Me: “I don’t know, I give up, where is it?”

Guest: “Do you have fat free french dressing here?”
Me: “I am sorry we do not, we carry fat free ranch, and then a few
viniagrettes that are low fat and low cal”
Guest: “NO FAT FREE FRENCH?! What is someone on a diet supposed to do
if restuarants don’t serve FAT FREE FRENCH?!”
Me(looking sly and smiling at her friends):”I would suggest, you don’t
go out to eat, dining at home can be much more healthy”

Guest(has ranch, french, and honey mustard in front of them): “I am
not sure I like your ranch dressing”
Me: “good thing you ordered 30 different kinds of dressing, one of
them will work out for you”
Guest: “But, I mean I really don’t like your ranch”
Me: “I am sorry, you feel that way, (shit grin) I don’t much like you,
but I am keeping that to myself”
Guest: “YOU, You, you are hilarious, I am requesting you next time I
come here to eat”

Guest: “How come everyone here is so happy?”
Me: “we actually like what we do for a living”
Guest: “that is strange”
Me: “Just because you hate life, doesn’t mean we have to”
Guest: “can I have an application?”

Guest: “My steak seems to be cooked medium well, is there any way you
can uncook this a little bit?”
Me: “Sorry about that…Unfortunately, our reverse grill is getting
fixed at the moment, but I will have them make you a new one”
Guest: “you have one of those?”
Me: “a new steak? Yes, we sure do!”

Guest: “you are really charming and handsome, you would be perfect for
my daughter”
Me: “thank you, but I don’t know her”
Guest: “I will give you her number, then I will let her know you are
calling”
Me: “Ma’am, I am not interested in dating you”

Guest: “I don’t really care for the clam chowder here”
Me: “I don’t really care for the looks your mother is giving me, now
we are even”

-Jeff


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Thomas Land | Drayton Manor Park

    Thomas Land Drayton Manor Park

    If living near a theme park was in your criteria for buying a house, then our new house would certainly meet that need. Living about a 3 minute drive from... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Thefoodiecoupleblog
    FOOD & DRINK, RECIPES
  • Your Eye Drops Can Kill You

    Your Drops Kill

    Anything can be a poison, it all depends on the dose. This includes the drops you use to clear your eyes. The active, and dangerous, ingredient in many of... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Dplylemd
    BOOKS, CULTURE, HEALTH, MEDICINE
  • The Wood Brothers: "River Takes the Town" & "Happiness Jones" Dutch TV Live...

    Wood Brothers: "River Takes Town" "Happiness Jones" Dutch Live Videos

    Watch roots trio The Wood Brothers perform River Takes the Town and Happiness Jones two tracks from their latest album One Drop Of Truth for Dutch music show... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Hctf
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC
  • Opera Review: Falling Down

    Opera Review: Falling Down

    The Met opens with a disastrous Samson et Dalila. by Paul J. Pelkonen A world of toil: Robert Alagna does hard time in Samson et Dalila. Photo by Ken Howard ©... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Superconductor
    CULTURE, THEATRE & OPERA
  • Could Neanderthals Speak? Implications of FOXP2

    FOXP2 is one of the most famous genes out there; notable for containing two mutations linked to language in humans. These mutations are also in Neanderthals,... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Reprieve
    BIOLOGY, SCIENCE
  • Diet Doctor Podcast #3 – Dr. Jeffry Gerber and Ivor Cummins

    Ivor Cummins: Great to be here, Bret. Dr. Jeffry Gerber: Thanks, Bret. Bret: The first thing I want to talk to you about is I learned from you guys you have t... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Dietdoctor
    DIET & WEIGHT, HEALTH, HEALTHY LIVING, MEDICINE
  • North American B-25J Mitchell

    North American B-25J Mitchell

    @ Lancaster, CA March 2018 A B-25 makes a photo pass/bomb run during the the LA County Airshow.  This Mitchell, “Photo Fanny”, is part of the Planes of Fame... Read more

    The 25 September 2018 by   Htam
    PHOTOGRAPHY, SOCIETY