In this two part series Robynn suggests ways to successfully survive summer! School is about to get out here in Kansas. For many moms that's a sweet joy. They anticipate leisurely time with their children, afternoons at the pool, evenings in the park. For the rest of us summer is a stir-fry of a wide range of emotions. We feel joy, panic, loss of routine, guilt, anticipation, dread. These are the moms I have in mind as I write this. I am that mom.
I think it's really important to think through your expectations for the summer. Are you expecting some lazy days? Are you hoping to get a lot of home projects done? Is this the time you've set aside to teach your kids to cook? What's your energy level like? Do you need to plan in extended quiet times? Is your family planning on traveling this summer? Think it through. Be honest with yourself. Schedule a family meeting. Communicate with one another what you're hoping for from this summer. Monitoring expectations in your own heart, but also in the hearts of your family members is key to summer success. Expectations can dash and disappoint or they can serve to create anticipation and joy.
This is your summer. This is the summer you've been given. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's. It can be as unique and interesting as you and your family. You can nap, or run, or hide in your bedroom for a few yours every other day. You can cry when your kids cry, scream when they scream, giggle when they giggle. This summer belongs to you. If a day goes awry -that's ok. There's grace wide enough for that. If you have a moment with your teenager that you regret-apologize, receive forgiveness. If you forget that you're the adult for a spell-shake it off, choose to switch gears. There's grace deep enough for that too. If nothing get's done on your summer project list, don't sweat it! There's mercy that lingers for today and is new for tomorrow. You have what it takes to do this parenting thing with courage. Just show up. Pull your chair up to the table. Live in the grace that is present in each moment.
- Resist Pinterest; Stay away from Facebook
I recommend severely limiting any type of social media that fosters comparison and secret maternal competitions. Seeing that your friend took her kids to an art class and the masterpieces they each produced makes your attempts to hand paper and paints and brushes to your kid with instructions to go outside seem minor and ineffectual. Watching your cousin's vacation videos only serves to stir up envy and shame that you'll never be able to afford to take your family to the same places. Even pictures of other families playing board games show the laughter and the joy, they don't reveal the kid that storms off in anger, the older sibling taunting the younger for losing. Ugly moments don't tend to get Instagrammed!
- Screens aren't as evil as they say-everything in moderation
Nothing brings on shame in parents quicker than admitting that their kid spent 5-7 hours watching TV or Netflix that day! I know because I've had that day. There's nothing wrong with a little screen time. With Netflix and cable TV and a library full of movies we have endless options of good programming. Setting limits is probably a good idea but do so with grace and flexibility. Each day has enough worries of it's own.
There really is nothing better than a good book. I love having my nose in a good book. I love it when my kids are all reading good books. Most local libraries have summer reading programs but if you don't have access to a library or if your library doesn't promote a summer reading program create your own! Set prizes and rewards for reading books. I know, theoretically the book itself is reward enough...but I'm not beyond bribery to help a kid live into that fact. We've even paid our older teens to read specific books on managing finances and creating budgets! If you're stumped to know how to help your child find a good book there are countless lists available on line.
Early on when we first returned to North America I discovered Summer Bridge workbooks. These workbooks help a child stay tuned into math and reading. They prevent brain paralysis over the summer. Knowing my kids were spending fifteen minutes a day thinking made me feel better as a mom-and really, who are we kidding, that's what matters!
This brings us full circle back to attending to our expectations. I think it helps to deliberately slow yourself down. It's hard to herd cats. It's hard to rush kids-of any age! Breathing slower. Relaxing your own pace helps significantly.
Don't fall for the Boredom blues! Boredom might likely be an indicator of a lazy brain or a restless spirit. One of my (many!) pet peeves is the line, "I'm bored!" Several summers ago I implemented the Boredom Buster jar. Every time a child of mine lamented, "I'm bored!" I pulled out the jar. In the jar I had written every conceivable chore I could think of -most were jobs I'd been putting off for ages, things I really didn't want to do myself! Clean the ceiling fans, sweep the front porch, pull dandelions, empty the fridge and wipe it down, wash the stairs. For the first two weeks of that summer I got so much work done! After that the kids paused before singing the old "I'm bored" chorus, they found things to do on their own. My Boredom Buster jar encouraged creativity!
This is key! No matter the ages of your children, it's vital to your sanity to ensure you've planned stimulating adult conversation into your week. Meet another parent and their tribe at the park. If you have older kids is there a mom out there with younger kids that you could connect with? Have your kids babysit her kids while the two of you connect over ice tea or frozen lattes. Plan it out. Knowing this is on the calendar will give you hope in the middle of another conversation about Sponge Bob Square pants or Dora the Explorer.
A Note to Moms who Work Outside the Home:You women are amazing! Here are a couple of things I want to say to you in particular:
- Learn to marinate your soul in a daily GRACE wash. You are a good mother. Your mothering is broader than this summer.
- Arrange good childcare for your kids. Do what needs to be done to provide safe and healthy care for each of your children. It might look different for each kid each summer.
- Communicate that plan to your kids without apology.
- Don't skimp on self-care and rest and adult conversation. This is vital to you continuing on in your mothering role with any amount of joy!
