Humor Magazine

Survival Tips for “Hotels on a Budget”

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

With spring break and summer vacations around the corner, you might be surprised to learn that you are not the only one on a budget. It turns out hotels are on a tight budget, too. If camping is not your style, then following these tips will ensure a pleasant stay at any hotel on a budget.

Consider these amenities:

Pillows

A cramped sleeping space can be compensated with a fluffy pillow. In the case that you have extra guests or the pillow is too flat, an additional pillow will solve the problem, easing your way into restful sleep. Logic tells you to simply ask for another pillow.

Precious.
Precious.

Be prepared for this scenario:

Guest: Would it possible to get an extra pillow?

Clerk: No.

And don’t ask again. It’s important for the hotel staff to be on your side for the reminder of your stay. Just be happy you received the allotted pillows designated for your room . Unless you want to sneak into your hotel neighbor’s room, let this one go.  Tip: Bring your own pillows.

Cable TV

A broken remote can easily be remedied by calling the front desk. They will have a box of remotes to fix the problem, as this is a common occurrence at many hotels on a budget. The hotel staff may even let a guest choose a new remote. Note that the guest may need to make additional trips down to the lobby to get a working remote. Tip: Unless you’re looking for an excuse to leave your room, bring your own AA batteries.

Free Breakfast

Hotels on a budget abide by a strict breakfast schedule, which is typically finished by 9:30 a.m., and not a minute  later. Arriving too close to the end of breakfast service, and undoubtedly, the watery egg patties and shriveled sausage that await you will be cold and nearly gone. Should they run out of paper plates or cups, plan on eating out of your hands or off the table. There ain’t no more cream cheese either for your stale bagel at 9:30 a.m. That’s a specialty item and they will run out of that for sure. Tip: Book at a hotel in close proximity to a fast food restaurant.

This view from your window will never look so good.
This view from your window will never look so good.

Cups

Cups. Tip: Be prepared to wash them for reuse.

Don't throw these away.
Don’t throw these away.

Coffee

There is nothing finer to ease the transition from your bed to your feet on the floor than a hot cup of coffee in the morning . With hotels on budget, however, the luxury of coffee in your room cannot be taken for granted. Don’t expect the caffeinated coffee ration to be restored if the decaf coffee is unused. Housekeeping service might make the assumption that decaf is all you need. Tip: Remove all decaf coffee rations to ensure that caffeinated coffee packs are restored before housekeeping arrives.

Hide this decaf pack if you ever want caffeine again.
Hide this decaf pack if you ever want caffeine again.

Towels

Towels are at a premium and should be treated as sacred. Avoid throwing towels on the floor into a corner. The hotel may have a spa or a pool  as well, and staying during a busy weekend may require your bathroom towels to double as pool towels. There’s no telling how long you will wait for clean towels. Tip: Keep the towels for drying your body separate from towels for cleaning up messes. 

Unless you want to drip dry, you will want to hang these up.
Unless you want to drip dry, you will want to hang these up.

Following these tips will make all the difference between an enjoyable trip and one where you wished you stayed at home. Happy travels.

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