Choosing to strengthen your relationship in the Moment
Life is complicated and uncertain. None of us knows what each day will bring. However, we do know what yesterday brought to our lives, and often we predicate our future on yesterday’s message.
Trying to predict the future can lay a trap for us in general and in our relationships. We either try to make sure what happened yesterday doesn’t happen again, sometimes by building up walls between ourselves and our partners.
Or on the other hand, sometimes we set expectations for our significant other by hoping we can re-create positive experiences. This creates a battle between fear and hoped-for happiness.
The truth of the matter is this: we simply cannot control our destiny so both options can only lead to anxiety and disappointment. We can only be present in the here and now.
For most couples, living in the moment is the best way to follow life’s path. It is the best way to actively strengthen your relationship. Life happens in the present. Our responses to where we are at each given moment is what creates our real world.
Often people spend every present moment talking about a past or future event. In her book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert writes about a friend who is visiting a beautiful place and remarks, “I want to come back here again someday.” Gilbert writes, “It takes all my persuasive powers to try and convince her that she is already here.”
What is happening with Gilbert’s friend? She is so trapped in thoughts of her future that she cannot experience the present to feel the joy of the moment. All she senses is her future need to experience something again. This thinking steals present happiness and Gilbert’s friend cannot “see” where she really is at that moment in time.
If $1,440 were magically deposited into your bank account every day and you were told you must spend it all each and every day, what would you do? The obvious answer is, “I would spend it!”
You do have such a deposit every day, but it is not in money, it is in minutes. You have 1,440 minutes to spend every day of your life, and whatever you don’t spend quickly becomes the past and is no longer available to you.
Try walking your life’s path in the present. Strengthen your relationship by relishing and luxuriating in your experience as a couple right now and throw yourself into the passion of the moment. Use all your senses. Living in the moment involves a profound paradox because you will be forced away from thinking in a future mindset.
Focusing on a future reward subverts the present-oriented process and does not strengthen your relationship. Instead, be confident and trust that rewards will come. The paradox rests in letting go of the need to control future outcomes to get what you really want in life.
Researchers discovered people who live in a present-oriented mindset are happier, more secure, have higher self-esteem, and can accept their weaknesses better. Additionally they will enjoy more satisfying relationships with less conflict. They will also have healthier coping skills to better navigate the uncertainties of life.
Give it a try, even for a moment! You just might discover that living in the present can strengthen your relationship to one that can endure for the long haul, giving you the gift of a lifetime.
