Streets Ahead is the column
from London Walks' Pen David
Tucker…
CONTINUED FROM YESTERDAY…
Anyway, the walking tour scene in London today. What do you make of this? “Yes, the walk is free but you should tip £15 because I have to give the boss the first £5 of the tip.” Is that walk free? Has somebody redefined the word “free”? Let alone the word “tip”?
Or how about a “guide” who’s covered with placards, walks backwards, talks non-stop, has three people in his group, and it’s his waist that’s talking to them – because he uses a portable public address system.
When there are three people on the walk.
You want it in two words: caveat emptor.
You want it in a few more words – well, commit to memory (and be prepared to use) Alvy Singer’s remark to Duane Hall. In the Woody Allen film, Annie Hall, Alvy Singer is the Woody Allen character. Christopher Walken plays Duane Hall – the first of Walken’s parade of wonderful cinema weirdos.
When Alvy meets Duane this is what Duane’s got to say for himself: “Sometimes when I’m driving…on the road at night…I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The…flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.”
Alvy (just wheel this out of the memory-bank if you’re accosted, be it an amplified talking waist or someone who’s trying to persuade you that £15 is free or wants to sell you a “Rolex” for “20 dollars”):
“Right. Well, I have to – I have to go now, Duane, because I, I’m due back on the planet Earth.” A London Walk costs £9 – £7 concession. To join a London Walk, simply meet your guide at the designated tube station at the appointed time. Details of all London Walks can be found at www.walks.com.
