Okay internet - calm down. I know it's taken a while for me to get to this particular shit fire but when it comes down to it we need to talk about and that's the terror of Cash Me Outside Girl, Danielle Bregoli, the artist known as Bhad Bhabie. The fact that she recently go a huge record deal with Atlantic is getting a lot of jimmies rustled on the internet and people seem to be really pissed at her. After all, she certainly isn't an artist in the traditional sense, and one gets the impression that she doesn't really want to be an artist at all. This is just a part of the obvious cash grab that the Cash Me Outside Girl character is and which seems to be working out very well for her. If you can't appreciate that then you need to reevaluate a lot about your life. Now - there's a lo to unpack here and quite frankly I'm probably going to say a lot of things you don't want to hear, perhaps even descending into ad hominems about you personally. You have been warned.
So I just want to get this cleared out of the way first - most of the people who I see getting pissed off at a major label for signing Danielle Bregoli are the exact same people who criticize major labels for being out of touch. Like - where you really trying to get your technical death metal band signed to Atlantic Records? Was that a goal you had? Well guess what - your technical death metal band probably isn't going to even get signed to a tech death label because your band probably sucks. But seriously - it drives me crazy how people can simultaneously mock the shit out of record labels and then get mad when the labels do something that they don't like. Maybe it's time to get your head out of your cavernous 80s obsessed ass and realize that what these labels is doing is not for you and you should just shut up about it. How does it directly impact your life if Bhad Bhabie gets signed? You hear her song a few times on the radio? Suck it up.
What I'm trying to say is that - while yes there is a misallocation of resources is this really surprising? This has been the case for art throughout the decades, and even centuries. Schock always seems to find a way to get signed because more often than not schlock sells. Sure some of your favorite bands were signed to majors when they were small - but things were different then because labels had more money. W did labels have more money? Because shortsighted cocksuckers like tou and me weren't torrenting everything all the time. Suddenly labels are dealing with a fraction of the budget and that means we need to spend the time to reevaluate what the industry needs and how we need to be moving forward. Getting upset at some 14 year old for achieving something that you have mocked repeatedly over the last chunk of your life is just a way of showing that you're actually jealous. Which I mean, I guess is valid, but when you're an older bearded dude that's also kind of weird.
Personally I was actually surprised she didn't have a record deal when this all came out. I kind of figured that when you get famous these days and get a TV show then the TV people go straight to their affiliated major and sign you up. It's the Selena Gomez model, the Disney model, the one that has fueled most of the significant pop stars of our generation with a few notable exceptions. Again - this is all art that you claim to hate, and which simultaneously gets you way to riled up for what it is. Is that really how you want to live your life? Getting riled up over choices that people in suits make in luscious LA offices? There's a whole WORLD of powerful underground music and unique labels working their asses off to promote bands like yours and you decide to take your time that you could be working on your music and complain. I guess that's one way to deal with your own crippling inadequacy I guess.
Also - I just want you to take a moment to consider this from Ms Bregoli's perspective. She has gone from being a nobody to someone with a massive personal income and a huge net wealth. I mean yeah she and her mom more than likely planned this out but holy execution Batman. I bet she thought she might get viral fame but nothing like this. And the thing is that she is handling it admirably. There has been no breakdown, instead there have been clever brand crossovers and sponsorships. There have been pieces of CONTENT being created (Cough, cough) and an exciting new way forward painted for a young ladies career. This shit is insane and she seems to have a vision that is not only sustainable but that has been proven to work with other artists of her ilk in the past. Say what you will about someone like the Kardashians but they sure as shit know how to maintain brand consistency and monetize that shit.
When it comes right down to it you're mad because she is doing something that you can never do, be it due to lack of motivation or simply playing the wrong style of music is irrelevant. Sure she got extremely fucking lucky, but she also pretty clearly plotted things out well in advance. I'm very curious to see the back end of this whole thing unfold in a few years when we get the inevitable documentary or biography. Again - this shit is made to sell - it doesn't matter that you don't like it or that you're offended by it. Major labels exist to make money, they don't have time for your pretentious art project and you know it.
