Staying connected with your partner in life can be very challenging at times. For David and me, our busy schedules tend to take over. Currently, David is busier than I am, as I am at home most of the days recovering from surgery. However, once my recovery is over and work starts up again, I will be commuting, working, finishing up my final two semesters of graduate school, and trying my hardest to maintain sanity doing so.
With busy work schedules, graduate school, and a desire to get AT LEAST 6 hours of good sleep at night, David and I can get lost in our mundane, daily routine. We are fun people, and even more fun when together. However, during the work week, we get so lost in fatigue, frustrations from work/school, and commutes, that it can be hard to appreciate the time we have to spend together when home.
There comes a point in your relationship when you have to recognize that your marriage will suffer if you do not take a moment to appreciate each other’s presence, despite how tired, busy, or frustrated you are after daily activities.
I want to share some tips for the married, engaged, and/or committed couples out there who may fall into that busy schedule trap! I know that every couple has a unique situation, but my hope is that at least one of these tips will help you when you find yourselves caught in a bit of a rut.
- Communicate! This should be a given, especially if you want to see your marriage work. Communicating is important no matter what the circumstances. In this particular case, communicating is a great way to determine what each week’s schedule will be like and how you plan to work with it. For example, I dedicate my entire Monday to schoolwork. This means, I will NOT take many (really, any) phone calls or text messages for at least 8 hours while coding for class. David knows this and is great about texting just to “check in.” If, by the time he comes home from work, I am not finished with my assignments, he gives me the space I need to finish it so we can enjoy our evening together.
- Utilize a calendar. David and I like to keep each other in the loop by having a shared calendar. This can be done through relationship apps such as Couple and Avocado, or simply by sharing your Google calendars. Not into the technology? That’s cool! Get a weekly calendar for your home and add important notes, dates, and plans each week. When David and I lived in our apartment, we had a magnetic, dry-erase, weekly calendar where we wrote each of our schedules. You can color code it or sign it with your initials. Now, we use the Couple app. (David will argue that we barely use it anymore, but that is only because my schedule is… pretty empty… while in recovery.)
- Go off the grid for at least 30 minutes when together. Put your laptops away, phones down, and turn off the television. Take at least 30 minutes out of your evening (or whatever time of day your schedules overlap) together to enjoy each other’s presence. David and I will mute the TV usually just because we use the TV as our light source, lol. Recently, we have used our “off the grid time” to chat while giving each other hand massages with sleepy-time cream. That may seem odd, but we have found that applying the hand cream has helped our sleep cycles and it is calming.
- Stay connected! To stay connected, you don’t have to literally be connected through internet, texting, or whatever you use to communicate. I mean to actually sit down and schedule time together so you can stay connected spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Plan a date night. Watch a movie before bed and talk about it. Read devotionals together. Play Pokemon Go… do whatever fits your lifestyle, TOGETHER!
- Express gratitude. I have been trying this more recently. I do my best to express gratitude to David as often as I can, but also spontaneously so it doesn’t seem like a part of my daily routine in his eyes. You can express gratitude a plethora of ways. Thank them for working hard. Tell them how they made your day better. Show them how much you appreciate that they are in your life. It is something so simple that can keep you connected and in love.
Relationships take work. Marriage isn’t always rainbows and sunshine because that is so unrealistic. No good marriage/relationship is easy peasy. There will be rough times and great times. Try your hardest to make the great times far more frequent, though. To do that, you have to work for it.
Hopefully at least one of these tips will assist you when you work to stay connected during the busy times of the year. I know David and I are only improving in this department since we took a moment to focus on this aspect of our marriage.
What tips to you have for the busy couples out there?
Completely unwarranted life lesson from a married woman #15: Marriage takes a lot of hard work and a whole lot more of love. Always remember why you got married. It will make the work so much easier.
