This is me... I am a recovering sex and porn addict. Shocked? Yeah, me too. Shocked that this was ever something that I stumbled onto, shocked that I am in recovery, and shocked that I’m saying it here for the whole world to see. I thank the Lord every day that I am in recovery, but more so, that He has given me the boldness and the courage to say these words... I am a recovering sex and porn addict... and I’m a woman! Without boldness, this issue will never be addressed. Without boldness from other women, it would have taken me so much longer to be released from this bondage. This bondage that was horrifyingly excruciating and often times debilitating.As a Christian woman, I thought that I was entirely alone with this addiction. Up until a year ago I couldn’t imagine telling someone about it out of pure fear of the assuredly judgmental reactions that would ensue. I mean, The Church never talked about it, none of my friends admitted ever struggling, and everywhere I turned I heard people saying it was a “men’s problem.”
I’d soon find out that the sex & porn addiction epidemic was running rampant in women, specifically Christian women and still the Church (“big C church”) is doing nothing about it. Why is it such a taboo topic? Why is it considered only a “men’s problem”? WHY AREN’T THEY ADDRESSING IT?!?!
I cannot tell you the anger that I felt (and sometimes still feel) when I think about the lies satan tells us women, but also tells the leadership in the Church... “No one else is struggling so it doesn’t need to be addressed. No one will understand why we’re discussing this topic.” So instead we stay silent. The lies convince us that there will be no audience response to our struggle.
That cannot be further from the truth.
I work for an organization called Dirty Girls Ministries, which is a ministry that helps women overcome addiction to pornography... on our online forum we have new women signing up DAILY. I’m leading a Pure Desire group for women struggling with love and sex addiction and there’s actually interest from multiple women! I’m involved in a recovery group at church where several women have confessed to struggling with sex & pornography addictions. I mentor a woman through Good Women Project and am amazed at how many women are relating to the honest and raw material posted on their site. This epidemic is clearly widespread and daily (DAILY!) I hear more & more women confessing their addictions and admitting their need for help.
So my question is this... Church (“big C church!”), what is it going to take for You to wake up and start dealing with this? How many more women have to suffer in silence before You take a stance on this issue? When will You realize that it is not just a “man’s problem” anymore and that women are aching, longing, waiting to be told that they are not alone in their struggle?
My prayer is that it happens soon. Stop listening to the lies. Stop worrying about Your Church’s reputation. Stop skirting around this issue. Start embracing the brokenness of Your female community. Start being bold about healing and wholeness. Start talking about the tough issues. Start providing sources of healing for the women in Your Church. It is becoming increasingly necessary as this epidemic grows each day and as our society continues to feed lies to our young women. You have a powerful voice, please, PLEASE use it!
There will be a response. I promise You. Women will trickle in slowly, but before you know it droves & droves of women will be responding in a way that You’d never expect. God is moving in this area... He is calling more and more women out of the shadows and using our voices to bring light into the dark places. Won’t You come along side us (or better yet, pave the way in Your own community)? Won’t You help shatter the stigma? Won’t You take a stand?
I’m incredibly thankful for my church because they are taking steps in the right direction. While I haven’t heard them address it from the main stage of the worship center, they aren't being silent. There are resources, there is support, there is grace being extended and lives being healed. I have experienced, first hand, this grace-filled response and it has been the biggest catalyst in pushing me forward towards further boldness. They did not shun, shame, or judge me when I came forward as an addict. Instead they covered me in love, they asked me to get involved, they led me on toward wholeness. It is possible to “be the hands” in Your community. Please take that step!
To the ladies that are struggling, please hear these words & sear them onto your heart: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have been where you are now. Others have too. God has brought you here for a reason... He wants to set you free. Surrender yourself and your addiction to Him, He will carry you through. I would love to hear from you and to be a resource for you as well. Please do not hesitate to contact me.
In love, I urge the Church to be bold and to begin using Your powerful voice to set the captives free. In love, I reach out to the women who are struggling and in need of release from such intense bondage. In love, I say thank you for listening, for considering, for keeping Your hearts open to this plea. In love, I offer myself as a resource, a place of encouragement, a sounding board for any and all who wish to learn more about this growing epidemic in the Church and in the world.
