Humor Magazine

Some Skits Found While Digging In The Garage (Part Two)

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

Part One is here.

Reminders:

Side Note: While reading these, picture them being performed. (Especially this one.) It will be funnier.

Side Note 2: These are old.

Side Note 3: These will be funnier if you’re drunk. Our audience was usually drunk.

Side Note 4: We had a guy who could do a Gilbert Gottfried impression.

Side Note 5: I played Fred. I often could not make it through the skit without laughing.

Skit Number Two:

Stare At You

The Set-Up: Two gentlemen are sitting on two chairs very dignified. A third chair stands empty.

Fred: Hello, and welcome to Stare At You. I’m your host Fred.

Frank: And I’m your other host Frank.

Fred: On today’s show our special guest is the famed baseball player Johnny Bench.

Frank: So please, let’s give a warm welcome to our guest: Johnny Bench.

Fred and Frank: (Stand up and clap.)

Johnny: (Walks in and shakes Fred and Frank’s hands. They all sit down.)

Fred and Frank: (Start to stare bugged eyed at Johnny.)

Johnny: (Says nothing for a couple of moments.) Do you want me to talk about anything in particular? (Pauses.) Perhaps my career? What? (Pats self and looks nervously around. Checks nose for boogers. Becomes frustrated.) What? (Looks around some more.) Say something! What kind of show is this?

Fred and Frank: (Turn back towards the audience at the same time.)

Fred: Well, that’s all the time we have for today.

Frank: We would like to thank our guest, Johnny Bench.

Fred: Thank you.

Frank: Thank you.

Johnny: Uh……….(Leaves quickly.)

Fred: Here is a sneak preview of next week’s show, when our special guest will be comedian Gilbert Gottfried.

Gilbert: (Walks in quickly and sits down.)

Fred and Frank: (Turn and stare at Gilbert.)

Gilbert: What? What? What? What? Why are you guys starring all the time? What? (Gets up and starts pacing and ranting for a couple of moments. Fred and Frank’s head follows Gilbert’s movements…still starring. Gilbert leaves.)

Fred: See you next week on Stare At You.

Frank: Good night.

Fred: Good night.

Fred and Frank: (Exit.)

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