Ever since we've started homeschooling, we've gotten questions about various aspects of homeschooling. Friends wonder how I'm able to get it all done (a combination of delegating and paying a housekeeper to do some of my work for me), family members wonder if we'd consider sending the kids to high school (so far, nope - and that was Kathleen's decision), and strangers wonder how crazy the house is (very crazy some days).
One of the most frequent questions I've gotten is about how we'd 'socialize' our children. It hasn't been much of question that we've worried about. There are enough children that they get lots of lessons in sharing, conflict resolution, taking turns, working together, making compromises, and being kind. I can't speak to how well they've learned these things at home versus how well they would have learned them at traditional school as they've never gone. But it's worked well enough.
The children have always managed to have just enough friends that they aren't too lonely. Usually their friends have come through church. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is really a huge advantage for homeschooling, as the children see each other at church every week and so friendships are easier to form. I'm friends with the mom, they're friends with the children, and everybody gets a break from seeing each other all week long.
We've had a couple of families - one from church and one from not - that have had enough children that matched up with our so we were able to get together for a weekly playdate. Between those get-togethers and church, everyone was pretty happy.
But now we're entirely on our own. Every week we've got nobody to look at but the same eight faces we've been seeing all week. The younger children haven't really minded that much; in my experience younger children are pretty content with siblings. They're a known quantity - no surprises from people you've spent your entire life with.
But I've come to realize that my teenagers need more than what we can give them. I've never raised teenagers before, so I'm learning as I go. Both Kathleen and Sophia are pretty low-drama most of the time, so I haven't had accusations of ruining their life, being the worst mom ever, or wondering why we had to move to this terrible country where they don't have any friends. I consider myself very lucky. But they have told me that they'd like to see some friends on a regular basis.
If we were in the US, this would not be a problem. Between weekly church, weekday seminary classes, and weeknight youth activities, they would be quite busy with friends. It would probably be an almost perfect balance of having some space and being able to be with peers.
But we're not in the US, and we won't be there for many more years, so we have to work with what we have. Thankfully, the one family that lives within walking distance of our house has a daughter who is Sophia's age. This summer, I started encouraging them to go and see if she was free to hang out. They confessed that the first few interactions were kind of awkward - "It was so weird to go and do things on our own! Like, you didn't set up a playdate or anything. We just walked over, rang her doorbell, and asked if she wanted to come swim." But now they have a semi-regular afternoon to meet up, go on a walk, talk about whatever teenaged girls talk about, and go to the store for ice cream. I'm often grateful that they have one friend close by.
After we got back from our trip to the US this summer, Sophia (with some encouragement from me) decided to start setting up social outings with a group of people. Tashkent has a lot of activities that are fun - amusement parks, bowling, laser tag, ice skating - and they're not very expensive. It's been interesting to coach her through all the steps of making a plan, contacting people, arranging dates, and all the other things that are so easy for an adult and so daunting for an inexperienced teenager who's never done this before. I've come to realize that this is also part of my job as a mother of homeschooled children. They don't have the opportunity to learn this on their own, so I get to teach them. I sometime wonder if their friends find the tone of Sophia's emails and texts a little strange, as I only know how to write like a middle-aged mom and am not up with the way teenagers talk.
Their first outing was to a local amusement park. They got themselves there by taxi, rode a bunch of rides, made some new friends, ate food, and got themselves home. Edwin tagged along (or was forced to, as both girls they invited had brothers who are Edwin's age) and was pretty dubious about the value of this so-called "socializing." I was a little nervous too, as I'm not used to sending my children out on their own, something that most moms are very used to.
But when they came home, everyone was full of smiles, stories, and excitement for the next time they got to go and hang out with their new friends. So yesterday they met them again, this time for bowling, and had a great time again. Kathleen reported that she had the high score, a 60, and that was with bumpers. It was fun to listen to all the stories they had to tell and see how excited they were for what they had done.
I know that both girls would like to see friends even more often then they do, but I'm happy that they have at least a few opportunities so go and practice socializing away from their parents and family. Kathleen's departure for college is starting to appear on the horizon, and sometimes I wonder what kind of intense shock to her system everything will be. So if I can prepare her as much as possible, hopefully it will help some, although there's never been anyone who is prepared for all of the changes that college brings.
It's also fun as a parent to see them get older and see them get to start to do some things on their own. Homeschooling gives me the ability to keep them closer for much longer than I would be able to in traditional school, but there is still a time when everyone needs some more distance so they can start to practice running their own lives and making their own choices. Before long, I'll be almost entirely on the sidelines, cheering them on as they become fully independent. Thankfully I have a long time before all of them go off and leave me, but it's strange to see the first one begin to think about their departure. But that isn't for a few more years, and so for now I'll just enjoy watching them take their first steps.
