Humor Magazine

So Kiss Me, and Wait for Me; Or Silly Hipsters

By Pearl
The wind howls outside.  It is nine degrees below zero.
Inside, the hipster two stools over has made a discovery.
“Oh, my God,” he says to his heavily crocheted, urban-quirky friend.  “Have you heard of Bob Denver?”
Hidden cleverly behind a towering beer, my eyes brighten by at least two shades.  Has this scrawny, bearded, corduroy-wearing man-boy just discovered Gilligan?  What in the world could there be to say about it?
I take a sip.  I lean imperceptibly closer.
“Who?” says the 20-something gal.  Adorable, as smooth and dewy as a pearl, I fight the urge to tuck a loose bit of her hair behind one of her little pink ears. 
“I heard it at the piano bar,” he says.  He picks up his beer, takes a healthy pull at it.  “You ever hear the song, Drive Me Home, Country Roads?”
Ah-ha. 
John Denver, not Bob Denver.  Take Me Home, Country Roads. 
I close my eyes, the better to listen.   
“I’m not sure that’s right,” she says.
But it is, he insists.  He heard it the other night. 
I open my eyes in time to see her shrug.
The Anchor, a small place with a small bar, is full, as it is almost every day of the week.  Home to local art, local color, and non-local flaky white fish, I hold up my empty glass as a waitress skitters around me. 
“Another?”
“A small one,” I say.
I pull out my notebook.  Hipster #1 is singing.
“So kiss me and wait for me,” he bawls.  “Tell me that you’ll play for me.  Hold me like you’re never letting go.”
The girl winces.
“I’m leavin’, on a jetway!  Don’t know when I’ll be back again!”
She laughs.  He picks up a bottle, sings into it with the sincerity of the young and confident.  “Oh, babe!  I hate to go!”
I smile, push past them.
When I return from the bathroom, my check is ready. 
And so is theirs.  Heads pressed together, they are staring at the bill.  “What’s 20 percent?” he says to her.  “If I just round up and add a buck or two, that should be 20%, right?”
I consider explaining the concept of the percentage to them, but finish my beer instead.  I pull my scarf on, my hat, my coat, my gloves.  I adjust my leggings, pulling them up over my knees, check my boots for zipping.  Outside, Mother Nature has given full throat to her murderous desires, and I push out the front door reluctantly. 
Oh, babe.  I hate to go.  

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