Self Expression Magazine

Sick to My Stomach

By Sonica Jackson @sonicajackson

Derrick McIlwain

*sigh* This story is a prime example of bitchassness and that’s what makes it extremely hard for me to stop cussing. So if you are too sensitive and you can’t handle what I’m about to say, you may not want to tune in to this article because I’m about to let loose like bowels.

I just found out that on January 10, 2014, a guy by the name of Derrick Mcllwain was sentenced to fifteen years in prison for the shooting death of former Tampa Bay Devil Rays player, Danny Clyburn Jr. According to the news, Mcllwain fatally shot Clyburn in the heart while at a party spot because Clyburn wouldn’t buy him drinks. When Clyburn refused to buy Mcllwain’s drinks, a fight escalated between the two which resulted in Mcllwain shooting Clyburn and justifying his actions by saying that Clyburn “never did anything for the hood”. What’s more bizarre about this tragedy is that Mcllwain and Clyburn were supposedly lifelong friends. 

First of all, let me go ahead and just break down this whole “giving back to the hood” crap. For all the people in the hood that has the same mentality like Mcllwain and thinks that when someone makes it they are REQUIRED to give back to the hood, let me help you understand something: NOBODY OWES YOU A DAMN THING. PERIOD. If you want something in this life, YOU have to be the one to get it ya’ damn self. The fact that Clyburn got out of the hood and Mcllwain CHOSE to stay and not do shit with his life, is nobody’s fault but his own. Jealousy is a beast and if you don’t eliminate it, that emotion will control and ruin your life. If you need me to elaborate, you can read my post from back in October appropriately titled, Brothas, I Have A Question.

Furthermore, the best thing that you can give to anyone in the hood is great advice on how to have a better life. Wisdom is worth a lot more than a damn drink because with wisdom, you’ll be able to do things for YOURSELF versus acting as if someone needs to do for you. And if you think that people need to do things for the hood, maybe YOU should start doing things for the hood yourself. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need money in order to give back to the community and I get so sick and damn tired of people thinking that they are supposed to live a good life off of the hard work and sweat of others.

Let me be the first to say that when I make a name for myself and I’m well known, I’m not gonna be chillin’ in the hood. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m from the hood and I do have some hang-out spots that I truly love to go to. But unfortunately, when you become famous, you’ll find out that you won’t be able to hang out in those areas like you used to because something can go very wrong. Such was the case with Mcllwain and Clyburn.

Had Clyburn chose to not go to that house party, he’d probably still be here on earth. But of course, he didn’t know that he was in the company of a jealous Brotha that was gonna take his life. Considering the fact that Mcllwain was his so-called friend, it just goes to show that when you get money, there will be those “friends” who will show you their true colors. Some people are not gonna be able to handle your blessings and they will show that to you in one form or another. Your circle is gonna become smaller and smaller and people are gonna claim that you’ve “changed.”

It is sickening that a grown man had the nerve to act like a baby because another man wouldn’t buy him drinks. That sounds like something that a female groupie would be mad about, not a man. But the reality is that there are many people in the hood that are just like Mcllwain, thinking that they are entitled to something and if you don’t give them what they wish, they will retaliate against you. Some will try to set you up to be robbed and before you know it, you got a bullet in you because you were hangin’ with the wrong people in the wrong place. And yet, if you choose to stay away from that type of environment, people will swear that you’re turning your back on the hood and they’ll say that “you forgot where you came from.”

One of the reasons why a lot of celebrities won’t come visit the rough communities that they grew up in and will not buy or build a house in that particular environment is because NIGGAS (yes, I said it) don’t know how to act. If you’re a celebrity and you decide to buy a house in the hood because you have “so much damn love” for the hood, that love is not gonna be returned because you can best believe that your house will get ransacked and everything that you worked hard for will be gone. This is why most celebrities choose to live in gated communities with serious-face security guards because they know that their lives and their belongings will be out of harm’s way. As a matter of fact, there are several streets in Atlanta that you can’t even drive on without being checked in by a security guard. Oh yeah, you can see the big houses from afar but you can’t bring your EBT card-carrying butt on that street without a security clearance check. I don’t blame them.

For the family of Danny Clyburn Jr., I truly feel sorry for their lost because this is something that didn’t have to happen. His parents no longer have a son and his kids no longer have a father because of the selfish acts of a dumb person who was envious of someone because they made it out of the hood and decided to do better with their life. I honestly believe that Mcllwain’s fifteen-year prison sentence is not harsh enough and the fact that this son of a bitch had the audacity to claim self-defense and tried to use the “stand your ground” law as justification to take Clyburn’s life, is absurd.

For those of you that wanna say, “Well, Sonica you wasn’t there so you can’t say that he was wrong for killing this man and blah, blah blah,”  let me go ahead and say this: Mcllwain had already tried to justify his actions by saying that Clyburn ‘never did anything for anybody in the hood’. So in other words, he felt that it was okay to take this man’s life all because he believed that Clyburn should’ve done things for the community. Oh really? My questions to Mcllwain is ‘What are YOU doing for the community besides being another statistic? Who the hell are you to say whether someone should do something for the hood or not?

And for the record, if Clyburn wasn’t doing anything for the hood, that’s between him and God. Clyburn didn’t owe you or anybody else an explanation for anything that he chose to do or not do. Had you had any kind of sense, you would’ve looked at his life as motivation for you to get your shit together instead of choosing the ‘nigga route’ and take his life simply because you couldn’t deal with the fact that you fucked up your own life. Welp, you’ll have fifteen years in prison to think about it.

Rest in peace, Mr. Danny Clyburn Jr.

Sick to my Stomach


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