This past Sunday’s New York Times ran a piece that really resonated with me. It was titled, “Should therapists play cupid?” As a psychotherapist and dating/relationship coach, I work with many singles looking for relationships. In fact, we work closely together on their online profiles, cyber flirting, taking online relationships offline to first meeting, having great first dates, and other dating issues like best places to meet singles and self marketing for the single person.
In my role of therapist I also work with singles who are recovering from bad break-ups, struggling with loneliness, and yes- those who are looking for love. My clients come in all ages, races, religions, types and walks of life. Often I am seeing two people (not together) who I think would be a good match for one another. I am also asked by my clients if I know any interesting men/women I could fix them up with. However, I agree with the NY Times piece- it’s not a good idea on many levels, but I have actually given it serious thought on my way to that decision.
Instead, I help them write great profiles and work with them on reading the profiles of others and selecting folks who appear to have good potential to make a contact with. I coach them as they answer those first emails and I help them plan good first dates.
I don’t introduce them to other singles, but I steer them to places I know other quality folks go to and I help them to put their best selves forward and to make that emotional connection with a compatible person. Then, armed with some good tools and know how, they are more successful in their relationship goals. Then, if things go right for them, I sometimes end up doing premarital counseling with them and their partner. If they don’t go well, I am not seen as the reason- and I can objectively be there for them, helping them to move on to better connections.
