I feel that it is almost impossible to review a film like Sharknado 2. Instead, I’ve decided to compose some random thoughts about Sharknado 2… which I comprised immediately while watching Sharknado 2. It’s a “stream of thoughts” review.
1) What happened to their kid? Didn’t Tara Reid and Ian Ziering have a kid in the first one?
2) They missed the opportunity to do the “It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane… It’s A SHARKNADO!”
3) Was that Wil Wheaton?
4) Kelly Osbourne deserved better than that. Or maybe not.
5) Oh God, now Ian Ziering has to land the plane. Is Tara Reid following him because she also has flight simulator experience?
6) Yup. That was definitely Wil Wheaton.
7) Tara Reid is apparently far more bad ass than we gave her credit for.
8) The opening credits got better. I have a feeling that was MOST of the budget.
9) Ian did an interview BEFORE joining his Tara at the hospital? At least they have a Target ad to read…
10) All these NBC shows. Synergy.
11) OMG. The Sharknado book is real?
12) BILLY RAY CYRUS? Don’t break Tara Reid’s achy breaky heart, doctor.
13) Oh good. They left Tara Reid’s makeup on during and post surgery.
14) HE KNEW WHO I WAS? Is that the new plot of Sharknado 2? That they’re out for revenge… so they can create weather patterns that propel them into the air in the hopes of biting Tara Reid’s hand off?
15) There’s a massive storm coming. No better place to be than an island.
16) No, sister. The giant island in the ocean will be the “first place it hits”.
17) SERIOUSLY what happened to their kid?
18) Oh Good. Sister, Niece, and 2 Expendables are headed for the ferry. I wonder if they’re all going to make it to shore.
19) Prediction: Dopey guy with the beard is definitely going to die. Spin City might also get to hit a home run… with a shark.
20) The taxi driver has a business card.
21) They’re already evacuating part of the hospital? Right now… it’s just a little wind and rain. That hospital BLOWS.
22) Ian looks like he’s physically ill by the sight of Vivica A Fox.
23) Ian finds his family, and still NO ONE ASKS HIM ABOUT HIS KID.
24) Cartoonishly Large Baseball Bat, check.
25) Spin City hits his home run? Check.
26) Expendable Girl 1 Dead? Check.
27) Did Fender pay for that product placement? Really? In Sharknado 2? Also, bro. It’s an electric guitar.
28) Coming soon. Gatornami!
29) Jared and the obligatory Subway product placement. IN A SUBWAY. Get it?
30) Perez Hilton.
31) Sharks can apparently crash through metal.
32) Perez Hilton. Dead.
33) Bearded Comic Relief Dead. Also realized that’s Judah Friedlander. He looks different somehow…
34) Surprise! Ian Ziering is still alive. And he’s got a baby shark. How cute.
35) Ian just happens to stop Judd’s taxicab.
36) “I gotta get a chainsaw.”
37) Ian Ziering now knows how to make bombs from memory.
38) Black guy killed by Statue Of Liberty’s head? Check.
39) The Statue Of Liberty head auditions for a part in the Raiders Of The Lost Ark remake.
40) I’m guessing Tara Reid pulls an Ash with her arm at some point.
41) Biz Markie!
42) I know it’s just a commercial, but Rob Lowe is exactly what Sharknado 3 needs.
43) Awww. Judd died. I liked him.
44) Ian Ziering literally jumped the shark. LITERALLY.
45) ZNation looks awful.
46) Officially taking bets on whether or not Vivica A Fox survives this.
47) Expendable Girl 2. Dead. She made it longer than Judd. Good for her.
48) Shameless Direct TV plug.
49) The flaming sharks made it down 80 floors? Ummm…
50) Tara Reid shows up, in the exact spot, she didn’t know where they would be.
51) Kudos to Matt Lauer and Al Roker for doing this with straight faces.
52) Ian’s going to freeze the storm. Seriously, WHY CAN’T SOMEONE ELSE DO THIS? He’s not actually trained in anything. He didn’t even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
53) Ian finally got his chainsaw. Inspirational speech time. Ending with Ian Ziering slicing a shark in half.
54) Is there a petition to get Ian Ziering in the next Expendables?
55) I was SO right. Tara Reid put a saw on her arm.
56) Pretty sure Vivica A Fox is dead.
57) That dude had a machete in the trunk of his car. FOR WHAT?
58) Finn’s chainsaw works now. Just in time for him to get swallowed by another shark.
59) Gilman died.
60) But Michael and Kelly get to kill some sharks!
61) So do Matt and Al!
62) Finn literally rides a shark to safety.
63) How did he know that hand would have a gun on it?
64) HE’S REALLY PROPOSING WITH THAT RING? Really? REALLY?
65) Everyone cheers on the engagement… that they could hear from the ground?
66) Ian didn’t even ASK about Vivica. Wow.
66 thoughts about Sharknado 2.
It’s hard to grade Sharknado 2. With a HUGE curve, because of entertainment and enjoyability… I suppose…
FINAL GRADE= C- (That’s the best I can do)
