Lifestyle Magazine

Second Marriage: 10 Tips on How to Involve The Kids

By Jonathansfinejewelers @Jon_Siegel

Second MarriageMost people think of diamonds and engagement rings as a young persons game. You imagine of young men coming in and nervously looking at diamonds as they dream of getting down on one knee and how they are going to pay for that ring. I can’t tell the amount of couples that visit me that are on their second marriage.

In fact, I would have to say that 30% of the engagement rings we design and sell are for those that are embarking on a second marriage and sometimes a third marriage, which shouldn’t be that surprising since the rate of divorce is so high in this country.

Most of these couples are realistic about what they want and how they are going to get married and where they are going to live.  They have young children or children that are still living at home.  Their lives are much different than those of a couple who are just starting out on their journey together. And, it is important that they involve their children in the planning of this marriage.

Second Marriage – How to Involve the Kids

  1. Involve your children in the picking of the ring. Most people are afraid that we don’t want to see, much less hear your children in our showroom.  I don’t know how other places feel, but I love when couples bring their kids in and they participate and feel as if they are a part of the making of the ring.  It makes them feel as if they are getting engaged as well.
  2. Involve your children in the planning of the ceremony.  Unless you are going to be having a huge affair, allow your children to help with the planning.  Let them go with you to check out spaces and arrange flowers and stuff envelopes.  Make it a family affair.
  3. Quality time together before you are living together. Comfort is key for a smooth transition from a single parent household to a blended family.  So, be sure that you all spend quality time together doing fun things, including just hanging out on Sundays. It’s important that you all see what family life is going to be like so after the marriage it is seamless.
  4. Start your own celebrations and traditions.  This is the perfect time, before the second marriage, to begin new traditions.  These are things that will be meaningful because you will remember them as traditions that you started before your family started and your kids will always feel as if they are a part of something special.  This will really help in forming that bond.
  5. Set boundaries.  Even though you want to form that bond, your children all have to know that there are boundaries. Be sure that the kids know that there are limits.  This is a second marriage and this can cause children to try to use guilt to get their way.  If you stand together and set these boundaries early it will ensure solidarity between the two of you that will lend towards respect from the kids as well as peace within the unit.
  6. Make sure you have ‘family’ time and ‘couple’ time. It’s just as important that your children see that you date still and need that time alone to recharge as it is that they get to spend quality time with you as a couple before the second marriage takes place.
  7. Buying token wedding presents. I have known many second marriages that have bought their respective soon to be bride’s and groom’s kids gifts to make them feel as if they are marrying them as well.  These gifts were given them to at the wedding during the ceremony.
  8. For the ceremony have your children surrounding you as your bridesmaids and groomsmen. They need to be near you and the truth is, you need them near you.  You are starting out as a couple, but you are also starting out as a family.
  9. Make the honeymoon a familymoon.  You will have plenty of time to take a vacation with your new love, so make this vacation a familymoon and take all the kids.  Imagine how much fun they will have when they get to say they went on a honeymoon with their new mom or dad!
  10. Relax! A second marriage is just as stressful, if not more stressful than a first marriage, because there are usually kids involved, but in the end it will all go smoothly and work out.  You will hit bumps in the road, but the key is to have love and patience for your new children and they will have love and patience for you as well.

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