Love & Sex Magazine

Saving Your Marriage After an Affair

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

Saving your marriage after the affair might seem an impossible task.  I’d love to tell you it’s a rarity, but it seems that these days, affairs of all kinds run rampant.


Affairs can begin anywhere – at work, at social gatherings and online, covering all social, cultural and spiritual orientations. Sometimes they begin as innocent, casual interactions and other times they are sought out with intention. Whatever the initiation, the end result is usually the same: hurt, pain, family destruction and sometimes even financial ruin.  Saving your marriage might be the last thing on your mind in the midst of that kind of hurt and destruction.


saving your marriage after an affiar

But I want to offer you some hope.  Affairs do not have to be a deal breaker.  Saving your marriage after an affair is possible.   In my counseling practice, I work with many couples facing this very issue. The work is difficult and timely.  Sometimes it has poor results, but at other times has good outcomes!


The couples who come out on the positive end are the ones willing to do the work and stay connected.


And I know this might be hard to believe if you’re experiencing the hurt of an affair right now, but some couples come to an even better and healthier place because of the effort put into the recovery process.


When a couple wants to mend and continue their relationship, of course there are concerns between them.  Can they navigate the road to trusting again and feel genuine forgiveness?  Will the journey be too difficult to make?  Many damaged marriages will end in divorce if the process is too difficult to endure.


Saving Your Marriage After An Affair:  8 Tips: 


  1. Both partners must have the same goal to preserve the marriage. One cannot be harboring thoughts of separation or divorce.
  2. Their reasons for saving the marriage should not be for the sake of their children, but because they truly love each other and see a solid future together.
  3. There must be shared responsibility to save the marriage, not just placing the blame on the one who had the affair.
  4. Both partners are willing to tell the truth from this point on. This must be a rule written in stone.
  5. The partner who stepped outside the marriage must feel a sense of remorse and recognize his or her behavior as wrong and a violation of the wedding vows taken on the couple’s wedding day. 
  6. Both must learn forgiveness toward each other and towards themselves.
  7. They must agree on boundaries for their behaviors and commit to making it a priority every day.
  8. They must love each other with a compassionate heart and recognize the behavior as bad but not the person.


Saving your marriage after an affair can be very difficult to achieve. It takes a considerable amount of time and effort. 


But isn’t a forever marriage worth it?


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