Diaries Magazine

Sanctum Sanctorum.

By Ian_delapena
Sanctum Sanctorum.
Here I am again, to the place  that has ultimately have become the graveyard of my emotions.
These past couple of weeks have been a struggle. That feeling of void that something is missing from who I am is at it again.
I have been scrutinizing and over analyzing my self again, it's a force of habit, sometimes does good but most of the time just drags me and makes me realize that I am a mediocre in everything that I do.
I wish to move on, I know I can do things.
I have come to realize that I am not worth keeping. I feel that I am the only one that keeps on holding on the friendships that I have. I may be wrong but that is how I feel.
A friend told me that I am selfish and much dominant, he may be right but I try my best not to be.
Am I on my way to self destruction and is this the way that I want things to end for my self, out on the gutter.
My plans for the future still is pending, it seems too hard to execute. No one wants to help me thinking I am crazy and too ambitious.
I have this habit of analyzing my self am I good, am I bad, am I too much for someone to stick with?
I guess the point of this post is that I am tired. I am tired of trying to fit in and pleasing people to stick with me and be my friend. Is it too damn hard to find someone who will accept me for who I am? the quirks and obscurities, my idiosyncrasies and peculiarity? I feel that in the end, ultimately, I will be alone.
No one have really seen who I really am, sometimes I even think that I haven't seen the real me to keep the people I care for close, but I am too tired now.
I feel that I am slowly withdrawing my self from society. Started with me deactivating my Facebook, the social glue that binds me and my friends and acquaintances by a thread.  but it seem that a part of me keep on struggling trying to fight finding my self creating accounts that are androgynous.
I hope that I can find my wings again before I come completely crashing down.

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Ryan Navion B

    Ryan Navion

    @ San Carlos, CA May 2018 The Navion four-seat aircraft was originally designed and built by North American Aviation in the 1940s. It was later built by Ryan... Read more

    The 23 June 2018 by   Htam
    PHOTOGRAPHY, SOCIETY
  • 5 Reasons Most New Venture Creators Need A Co-Founder

    Reasons Most Venture Creators Need Co-Founder

    It seems like every entrepreneur I meet these days is quick to proclaim themselves a visionary, expecting that will give more credibility to their startup... Read more

    The 23 June 2018 by   Martin Zwilling
    BUSINESS, CAREER
  • Shakespeare on Tyranny

    Shakespeare Tyranny

    Stephen Greenblatt is a literary critic and historian whose insights into philosophy and the contemporary world are genuinely and consistently profound. Read more

    The 23 June 2018 by   Dlittle30
    SOCIETY
  • The Prescient Wisdom of Douglas Adams

    Prescient Wisdom Douglas Adams

    The Hitchhiker's Guide and the other four books of the trilogy ( it's complicated) have been a part of my life for almost forty years now, mostly in recordings... Read more

    The 23 June 2018 by   Vickilane
    CREATIVITY, PHOTOGRAPHY
  • Blueberry, Lime & Coconut Friands

    Blueberry, Lime Coconut Friands

    I fell in love with Friands a few years ago when I discovered a fabulous recipe on What Katie Ate. It is the single recipe which inspired me to want to buy her... Read more

    The 23 June 2018 by   Mariealicerayner
    FOOD & DRINK, RECIPES
  • 5 Refreshing Summer Drinks for Your Children

    Refreshing Summer Drinks Your Children

    Summers are here and so are the scorching heat rays from the sun as well as dry, hot and sweltering weather conditions. This is causing a great deal of havoc... Read more

    The 22 June 2018 by   Travelrasoi
    TRAVEL
  • Creative Writers to Avoid - The I Can Only Trust You to House My Valuables Scam.

    A few weeks ago, I was blogging about a famous singer. I wasn't careful and Tweeted to a catfish Twitter account. The next day, I had a private message. Read more

    The 22 June 2018 by   Lizmckeown1955
    BOOKS, CREATIVITY