Sacrifice What Consumes You

I'm currently in this state of transition... while there's a lot moving forward in my life, particularly with spiritual growth, healing related to past-hurts, and redemption from my addictions; there's also a lot that is standing still. Not in a negative way, but just in a way that is causing me to re-evaluate some things.
I like things to move forward... I hate it when I have setbacks, I hate it when things are stagnant. That stuff makes me uncomfortable. I like forward movement because that means progress is being made. But if you’ve been reading my posts of late, you’ll know that I've been learning & have been affirmed in the fact that God is present in these “delays” and in fact they really aren't delays at all. God's timing is perfect. And in that I'm trying to find rest.
Recently, I've been really antsy to get my life moving. I'm ready to be solidified in my career, ready to begin receiving a steady income that will lead to financial security, ready for my life to look more like that of an adult’s. And in this readiness, I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that there is no man in my life. In fact, this is at the very top of my list of wants right now.
Truthfully, it’s been at the top of my list for as long as I can remember. It’s something that I ache for and  I’m constantly seeking to understand God’s reasoning for making me wait this long. Year after year goes by as I watch my friends get engaged; I attend their weddings, and snuggle their babies... and year after year my sadness and frustration grows with my seemingly empty life. I pray for my future husband more than I pray for myself. I ask God to continue preparing me and I am constantly on the lookout, waiting and ready for when that person is brought into my life. 
I hate that I focus on this. I hate that I long for love and marriage so very much. I hate that I feel there’s something so significant missing.
And to be quite honest, I do understand God’s reasoning for making me wait this long. 
I just don’t like it.
Over the Lenten season I was praying a lot about this. I don’t want to be in this constant holding pattern, waiting for my life to start. I don’t want to rely on a man to fill this void in my life. I don’t want this to consume me. And while God has been doing some amazing things in my life, I just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with me because I’m not married. 
Believe me, I know this is a lie.
As I’ve been praying about this constant desire for love and marriage, the Lord has been affirming me that it will happen and that He is preparing me. But He’s also been putting it upon my heart to give up the desperation and to stop allowing it to consume me. So, immediately after the Lenten season that is primarily comprised of sacrifices, I have decided to sacrifice this.
I am sacrificing what consumes me: the desire to be loved by a man. 

Sacrifice isn't sacrifice if I’m giving Him something I didn't really want or care about in the first place. That's no sacrifice. To me, sacrifice is giving him the thing that’s at the very top of my list. It is cutting this desire from my heart and giving it up to Him.
In truth, I am scared. Scared that in this, God will reveal that lifelong singleness is what He has in store for me. Scared that I'll never get to experience marriage as He created it. Scared that year after year I'll question my life choices and wonder if I'm the cause of it all. My biggest fear is being alone forever. But in this fear, I will proclaim that if singleness is His will for me, I will love Him any way. I will still worship Him with all my life. 
So, in offering up my biggest desire and facing my biggest fear, I am compiling a new list of wants... wants that are in alignment with God’s will for me in eagerness that this new list will bring me closer to healing and closer to God, letting Him fill in the gaps as only He can.
I want to trust in His timing. I want to believe that He has a help mate for me. I want to be comfortable in the fact that I’m 30 and single. I want to live my life with joy despite the fact that I’m single. I want to rebel against the notion that says I have to be in love and married to be happy. I want to be 100% comfortable in my own skin, expelling the lies from satan that say I’m not good enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough to be loved. I want to replace my longing for love and a husband with a longing for Jesus. I want Him to fill any and all voids that are lurking in my heart, visible or not. I want my life to be a daily journey of sacrifice, of emptying myself in order to make more room for Christ Jesus. 
What is consuming you lately? What is the one thing you think you can't live without? Why do you fear being without it? How is that desire protecting you? Lay it at the feet of Jesus and take comfort in the knowledge that He alone makes you whole. It’s time to get rid of the junk, the excess, the stuff that’s weighing down our hearts. It’s time to offer up our deepest desires as a sacrifice and trust that God has everything under control.