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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – The Layman’s Version

By Therealbarman @TheRealBarman


Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,

Had unique and differentiating qualities that set him apart from the rest of his peers,

And if you ever saw him,

You would probably conform with everyone else and disparage him despite the fact that you were envious of the thing that set him apart so you would end up taking advantage of his desperation to be accepted into the herd.

All of the other reindeer,

Used to laugh and call him names in order to elevate their own self-esteem.

They never let poor Rudolph,

Play in any reindeer games or sports that he most likely would not like to participate in anyways because he was a bit uncoordinated and more of a reader.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,

“Rudolph, I’ve misjudged your usefulness to me, won’t you allow me to strap you to a harness like a slave and help me selfishly fulfill my needs so that I might gain all the glory tonight?”

Then all the reindeer loved him,

Because a celebrity endorsed him and said it was ok to do so, even though they were two-faced, backstabbing Rangifer Tarandus (scientific name for reindeer).

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you’ll go down in history,

As Santa’s sacrificial lamb in his demented plot to cast himself in a favorable light, when in reality history and the real story will be lost and skewed like the story of Columbus and everyone will think Santa was a really great guy when in reality he was running a sweat shop for elves and treating his reindeer like Michael Vick treated his pit bulls.

Ho, Ho, Ho…

Merry Christmas

The RB

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