I had mixed feelings about this book, which was provided to me as an advanced reading copy by publisher She Writes Press. I appreciated the honesty of the author, who writes about her journey parenting her son, Jack. But there were times that the tone of this book rubbed me the wrong way, despite the author’s willingness to criticize her own parenting. I’m not a parent myself, so I don’t have a full understanding of her feelings, and I want to acknowledge her sacrifices to give her son the best upbringing she could.
Somers writes about Jack’s childhood, from birth to age 23. He’s diagnosed between kindergarten and first grade, with Asperger Syndrome and anxiety, as well as a reading disorder. The specialist recommended therapy for both Jack and both parents, in order to guide his development. However, Somers and Jack’s father, Andrew, essentially ignore the Asperger’s part of the diagnosis, something Somers acknowledges but explains she received conflicting opinions from Jack’s teachers and figured they knew better.
This book will give readers a good understanding of the complexities of parenting a child on the spectrum. I found Jack’s story interesting, as many people I know either struggle with spectrum disorders themselves or have children who do. I have several friends who have really struggled with not wanting their children to be stigmatized in any way. And until I learned more about spectrum disorders, I was one of those people who assumed that parents whose children were having meltdowns were simply bad parents.
However, I wish that Somers had combined her story with current facts and research about spectrum disorders. Spectrum disorders can impact children in many different ways. This is a story about one child, but if it had included research and resources it would have been more broadly useful. This is an area that has developed quite a bit over the last 20 years, beginning with the fact that Asperger’s is a term that is no longer used (this book could explain that but does not). Interestingly, the advance reader copy I received used the term “Asperger Syndrome” in the title and that has been replaced with “Autism”.
I would also have liked to hear Jack’s own views, maybe through journal entries or an introduction or epilogue. As an adult now, it would have been great to see him included in this publication.
Additionally, there are times in this book where Somers’ decisions feel irresponsible and dangerous (like teaching Jack to drive). And while she goes to Herculean efforts to support Jack in many ways, including traveling and baseball, it’s impossible to understand her decision not to learn everything she can about his problems. Nor does she put herself into therapy (as advised) or join any kind of parent support group or help Jack to meet other kids like him (this happens by accident). She’s accepting of Jack, and loving, but she does little to help him address his challenges. I found the title of the book disingenuous, as it suggests the disorder is “misunderstood” rather than Somers refusing to learn about it.
I mentioned the author’s tone, which struck me from the first pages of this book. As in the book’s title, she focuses heavily on the fact that Jack looks “normal”. I can understand the challenges with disabilities that are not visible, but when she tells another parent how lucky they are because their child’s disability is obvious and therefore people are likely to be “very understanding and tolerant”. Throughout the book, her love for Jack is there, but so is her anger. She refers to him as a “jerk”, an “asshole”, and a “monster”, often speaking about him like he’s a Jekyll and Hyde rather than a struggling boy.
As I’ve already said, I appreciated her frankness, and since I am not a parent, I will leave to those who are to judge. If she portrayed herself as a saint who never thought anything negative about her child, I wouldn’t have believed it for a second. As it is, this is a very honest description of one woman’s parenting of her child with special needs, and frequently it’s an admission of her failings as a parent. I do wish it had included more research, including a discussion of the use of the term Asperger’s and what we know today about spectrum disorders, rather than simply being one woman’s journey.
Note: I received an advanced review copy of this book from the publisher, She Writes Press. This book was released April 1, 2025.
