Contributor: Andy Spencer
Written by Eric Heisserer
Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.
Has anyone involved with the making of this film seen “Alien”? What I saw in the theater made me think they did. And completely missed the point. That film is the standard for sci-fi horror, but for the exact opposite reason that this film thinks.
In “The Thing from Another World” (the 1951 original), the thing in question was almost never really seen (in one shot, it appeared to be somewhat humanoid). This what made it scary: your imagination can create things more horrific than makeup ever can. The 1982 version, by legendary horror director John Carpenter, showed it a bit more, but still not enough to ever get a complete picture, leaving your imagination to do some of the work.
This film does neither. It instead shows you everything about the creature, and it is not pleasant. And that is not meant as in “it’s grotesque” (although it is). It is unpleasant because the special effects are so obvious, it instantly reminds you that you’re watching a movie, and not experiencing it. It has a tremendous number of appendages, many of which seem to be teeth or tentacles meant to pull things into said teeth. Which begs the question: how exactly did it manage to build the huge ship that it crashed to earth in?
The idea of the movie is actually one that will be able to be told over and over given the right people making it. The constant paranoia of wondering who the one who is not human is is as close to a timeless premise as horror movies come. It is also obviously lacking in this movie. It always throws characters off on their own in a way that makes it so you know who will die and when, ruining any minute-to-minute suspense there might have been. Other than the horror of the imagination, this the one other source of fear the film could have mined. As it stands, rather than being scary, or even thrilling, it is simply boring. Not even the scenes where characters are killed off are any fun to watch. The film is all but an exercise in tedium, which is exactly the opposite of what a horror movie should be.
Going back to my “Alien” reference, in some ways, it is clear that people on this film did see it. They thought that people came for the strong female heroine (portrayed by Mary Elizabeth Winstead), or the bloody death scenes (check), or perhaps the grotesque creature design (Alien’s monster seems to have had far more work put into it). All of these are wrong. The suspense is what made that film a classic, and its lack is what makes this version of “The Thing” the exact opposite.
The ending, however, is one of the movies very few strong points. It turned what I had thought the movie was completely on its head in a way I didn’t anticipate. Other than that, though, this is a horror film that will appeal only to gore hounds. This is not a film to go see on Halloween night. Unless you prefer to sleep through yours.
Score: 2/10
