We all know that hard work usually pays off. In our jobs especially, we get rewarded for a job well done, maybe by a bonus, salary increase or some other kind of recognition. There is another way hard work can be a benefit. I recently returned from Greenville, South Carolina with my nine-year-old granddaughter, who went there for an ice-skating competition. She has been skating for just over two years, and she sure has worked hard. At first I thought she would quit because of her fears of falling on the ice. Then I thought she would give up because of all the practicing she needed to do to compete. For example, there were many times each week when I picked her up from school to go to practice, that I knew she wanted to play with friends or just go home to read and hang out.
I used to ask her, “Katy, do you want to skate for competition, or would you rather skate for fun?” She never failed to say that her goal was the competition, so she continued working at it.
In our recent trip, she won a first-place medal! Of course I’m very proud of her skating performance. But in addition, I was awed at how her perseverance and commitment paid off. The glow in her eyes was priceless. I asked her what she thought when she saw the scores posted. She said happily, “I almost fainted!”
We can all learn something from the earnest work of a child. When couples appear in my office and I discuss the process of counseling, I usually say, “This will take work on your part, but the rewards are great. You can have a relationship that is the gift of a lifetime.”
If your relationship is losing its way, give yourself a checkup.
1. Take your temperature. How are you feeling about your spouse these days? Are you seeing him or her in a negative light? Are you focusing only on little annoyances?
2. Take your pulse. Has your attitude changed and become stale? Have you stopped being kind, considerate, and respectful? Have you forgotten to say please and thank you?
3. Take your blood pressure. Have you stopped feeling loving? When is the last time you did something caring for your partner? What happened to the good morning kiss and the goodnight kiss? What about the whispered “I love you” and other sweet nothings you used to say, once upon a time?
4. Take your time. Where are you spending your time these days? Alone? With the kids? With friends? Shopping? At work? What about spending time with your special someone?
If this is where you find yourself, it is possible that you are not “working” very hard to have a gift-of-a-lifetime relationship. Would you agree?
