Do you remember how you met?
Many people would say they do. Some people even have wonderful, magical stories of their courtship to tell.
But some couples today, such as Paul and Katie, say that they are less than thrilled with their marriage. Boredom, complacency, and stagnation have a stranglehold on their daily lives. How did this happen? Unfortunately, the answer will not be a surprise: this couple just stopped trying!
Katie had been deeply in love with Paul, a handsome civil engineer. She believed that marrying Paul would make life perfect, or nearly perfect. Paul, likewise, never realized that they would have to work on their relationship to have a happily ever after. He thought that marrying pretty Katie, the sweetest girl he’d ever met, was all he had to do. In fact, to have a happily ever after, Katie and Paul will need to create it.
Now the “honeymoon” is over for Katie and Paul. They wonder if the magic is gone for good. But just because the honeymoon is over, doesn’t mean the magic is gone.
Here are some definitions of magic:
- wonderful; exciting: what a magic moment
- Something that has a delightfully unusual quality: their seaside town is pure magic
- A quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, especially in a way that gives delight: the magic of the theater
- a power that allows people (such as witches and wizards) to do impossible things by saying special words or performing special actions
My definition of magic is a bit different from the above. Here are some examples:
- having your significant other come up behind you when you least expect it to give you a kiss, a squeeze, or a hug and whisper sweet nothings in your ear
- finishing each other’s sentences, or blurting out the same thought when you least expect it
- watching the stars at night, or sitting by the ocean, gazing at a sunset
- being able to have a space of your own without feeling guilty
- listening to the words of a song and thinking about each other
- dancing in your family room to a romantic song
- walking the dog and sharing the same umbrella when it rains
- receiving a text with a heart
- whatever you want it to be
Life as a couple is magic if you want it to be. It is a feeling, an experience, an action, a word. The best part is, that you can create it. A relationship is not a 50/50 deal, it is 100/100! If you are only putting 50% in, you are falling short of all it could be.
My counseling/coaching practice focuses on making troubled marriages better, and then (we hope) raising the ante and making better marriages great. But the process requires a 100% investment. The reward can be magic and a happily ever after.
