Even Galaxies like to be in relationships.
Why on earth do we seek relationships anyway?
What is it that posesses human beings to run away from singledom, away from bachelorhood, and into partnership, companionship, connectivity (be it platonic or physical) with other human beings?
I mean, lets face it, human beings are complicated, unpredictable, hormone driven, and sometimes a little crazy. Relationships (both friendships and intimates) seem strewn with drama- whether Big Drama or little nuggets of petty drama- and I find myself increasingly adverse to drama. Someone dear to me pointed out it takes two to create drama, and that makes me wonder if its possible to ever have a connection with another being that is without friction. Then again, friction is energy and energy is a good thing, so maybe its about finding the right kind of low-drama dynamic.
But back to my original question.
Why seek a relationship?
And for that matter- why seek more than one?
With all the complications, drama, ups and downs, and ever changing partnerships to keep track of (this last bit I’m noticing as I send out holiday event invitations… I got so used to inviting people as ‘couples’, but just can’t do that anymore in this new poly-paradigm), what on possibly possesses people to the point where they MUST be free to have multiple relationships?
It has become apparent to me, through a few recent conversations, poly discussions, and reading other poly blogs, that there’s more than one single reason. In fact, in keeping with the poly-theme, there’s many, and none holds more validity than another. At the end of the day, everyone has to maintain integrity with themselves
When it comes to romantic and intimate relationships in general, there’s a lot of diversity already. Some see the ‘living of life’ as a finite structure, a grided outline that has to be followed. Structure gives stability, and stability gives security. For others, life is about thinking beyond the box, innovating new structures and possibly even living without them at all.
I’m observing that people come to polyamory for many reasons. Can’t stay monogamous. Love to flirt. Have physical/emotional needs best satisfied by more than one person. Some do it for the novelty of new lovers. Sometimes it happens because you seek to fill a void (I know I’ve had many moments like that for myself). It can be a spiritual passion (like Kamala Devi) or an atheist anarchist statement (Franklin Veaux). And everything in between.
And why someone embraces poly can change and evolve, as all things in life can do.
So I’m examining why I am poly, why I’ve chosen to seek relationships at all when I know that every intimate connection will have an end point, and why I have an unquenchable thirst to discover more in each beautiful connection that finds me. If that wasn’t enough, I’m trying to define what that looks like, simply because its easier to explain to others once you can articulate something succinctly.
Here goes:
For me it’s about having people in my life I can share my joy and creativity with. To be present with individuals who both inspire me, and can be inspired by me. To share breath with those who can witness me with all my strengths and flaws and remain without judgement, and keep loving me harder when I falter and fuck up. To soul-gaze into the eyes of beings I can love without hesitation, with complete trust and surrender. To share an experience of the divine and profound universe together.
It’s a kind of monogamy-in-the-moment. One pointed focus and undivided love to the being I am sharing breath with. When we walk away from that moment, I want to be able to have no attachment to what the moment held, what it could mean in the future, yet desire that the integrity of what has been shared not be ignored or forgotten.
Some would term this ‘relationship anarchy’, but I don’t particularly like that use of the word anarchy. Makes it sound like its the last round before full fledged relationship Armageddon descends and that’s just too epic in the impending doom kind of way for my tastes!
I’d rather think of it as ‘relationship fluidity’. Not warring or conflicting factions or ideas, but more like many streams converging and flowing together. An orgiastic dance where people step in and step out, and dance as long as they want with whoever draws them. Rivers and amulets that can merge and dive into the ocean together before transforming into new currents and tides. Galaxies coming together, colliding in a cosmic blink of an eye, birthing new worlds of possibilities.
- Let’s Dance!
