Tidying Up didn't spark joy for me. In fact, it did just the opposite and sparked a shit ton of emotional anxiety. So much so that I couldn't even get past the first episode. I mentioned in yesterday's post how I often times simply don't have the energy to put myself together the way I used to, and well, tidying up is another yet another thing that seems to have gone by the wayside recently. I've never been the neatest person to begin with, however clutter and a little disorder never gave me as much anxiety as it does now since becoming a mom. Maybe it's the fact that before becoming a parent, the option to clean at my leisure was always available to me. If I wanted to throw all of my worn clothes of the week into a big pile in the bedroom chair designated for such things, that was fine - I could dedicate an hour or so Saturday morning and quickly put everything away and tidy up my closet while I was at it.
Now? There is no such thing as waking up randomly one morning and deciding to clean. From the moment Sebastian's feet hit the ground in the morning, our days are going non-stop. Don't get me wrong - nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the joy of being a mom to the most beautiful little boy ever (in my opinion) but it does mean that there's almost always unfinished and unfolded laundry, toys strewn about almost every room of the house, and little random messes that I'm constantly running behind him to clean up. I'm honestly exhausted just typing it all out.
The first episode of Tidying Up featured a couple with 2 young kids who I swear are going through the exact same thing. The dad worked long hours, and despite the mom being a stay at home mom, there simply wasn't enough time for them to keep things as neat and organized as they would have liked, while simultaneously working, and managing the kids. There was one scene in particular where the mom got emotional, describing just how hard it was for her to manage things - and damn, I felt that. Simply put, it's hard. There are days when you feel like you've run a marathon, yet the house still looks like a tornado blew threw it. There are days when you cry from sheer exhaustion, or just randomly cry because the anxiety is creeping in, and you can't quite put into words what's bothering you. Sometimes, I feel like a failure when my kid eats hashbrowns for dinner again, and I've scratched literally nothing off of my to-do list. For the record, hashbrowns are literally his favorite thing to eat. He'll ask you for "fries" a million times until you cave in.
Funny how a little show, with who is possibly the most peaceful and sweetest organizer to walk the earth, can evoke so much emotion out of me. Which is the exact reason why I didn't get past the first episode. I'm sure the entire season is amazing - and I see all of your "Marie Kondo-ing" memes and posts as proof that it is - but I'm just not ready to go through the emotional rollercoaster I'm sure I'll continue to feel as I watch. Until I am, keep The Office reruns on repeat. Please, and thank you.
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Photos by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash, and Jacob Campbell on Unsplash
