I got messaged on facebook today by a friend. She’s pregnant with her second child.
I told her congratulations and I am truly happy for her, but I can’t help but feel a little bitter as well.
No, no bitterness towards her, nor bitterness towards the five other women that I found out (in the last 2 weeks) are pregnant. I’m happy for all of them – they’re all excited and flushed…it’s contagious really.
I’m a little bitter because this sixth person’s news happened to come during yet another reminder to me that I am NOT pregnant.
Maybe it’s a good thing because I’ve been nervous around other people’s kids recently – I no longer am immediately attracted to them, run to hug them, sit on the floor and play with them….and I’m not sure why…it just happened.
Am I dying to have a child? I don’t believe so – my husband and I have decided that when God decides to give us one then he’ll give us one…but there seems to be more and more reminders hitting me recently.
Another friend in Trinidad confided in me that she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a long tim, with no avail…so they went to the doctors………….and she found out she has “unexplained infertility”. Now, I have six other-people’s-pregnancies and “unexplained infertility” on my mind. And I remember people I know who took 8 years plus to conceive….
I also turned 33 about a week ago. Does that have anything to do with it? I’m not 100% sure – in fact I’m almost 100% it doesn’t but I figured I’d mention it just for good measure….
Baby lust is on an all time high people. And the fact that it’s not going ot happen in a long long time…pretty much has me on an all time low…especially when I see everyone getting on with it, you know?
Oh, and for the six of you who are pregnant, yes I’m jealous, but I’m super-excited for you – six more nieces or nephews to add to my repertoire – yaaay!!! 2012 will be a busy year.
