ASHEVILLE- Call it a comeback.
The troll under the bridge has not been seen since being outwitted by three Billy goats in the mid 1800’s in Norway. But the troll under the bridge famed for eating anyone who passes by his bridge has come out of retirement to guard Robert C. Burris’s two parcels of land in Carrier Park.
“I never thought I would step under a bridge again after being embarrassed by those goats,” said Troll.
“But I saw a little bit of Burris in myself and I said I had to help this man get what his property is worth, just like when I wanted the biggest goat in all the land.”
Picture by Ashvegas
Burris’s property has been the center of controversy since he put up a chain fence with a sign that reads ‘No Trespassing’ that block a heavily used trail in the park. Burris, who is asking the city for $225,000 for his two parcels of riverside property, is concerned he would be held liable if something was to happen on his land leading him to put up the fence and hire the troll.
But many Asheville residents accuse Burris of being greedy as the $225k asking price is way above the properties’ assessed value of $18,300.
“I look forward to eating all those who try to pass through Mr. Burris’s property,” said Troll.
“Many say Mr. Burris is being greedy. But us trolls have a saying which says, ‘They see me trolling. They hating. Backpacking, they try to catch me sleeping dirty. Try to catch me sleeping dirty.’ But I will be awake and I will eat anyone who passes.”
Guarding Burris’s property will be the Troll’s first gig in over 160 years. The Troll’s last gig did not end well, after being duped by two Billy goats, who each convinced the Troll to let them go, because a third Billy goat was about to cross and would be the perfect meal since it was so big. But the third Billy goat wound up instead overpowering the Troll and rammed him off the bridge and into the river.
The City of Asheville is currently looking for three Billy goats to battle the Troll once more.
“Well we have a lot of applicants since there is a lot of goats in this town,” said Betty King, chair of the Billy goat search committee.
“Unfortunately we are having a hard time finding three goats, who can speak Troll. Troll seems to be a lost language among goats ever since the Council of Billy goats made goat the official language of Billy goats in 1932.”
King advises the public to avoid the Troll at all costs until the committee finds qualified Billy goats.
“They say the best way to deal with a troll is to ignore it,” said King.
“Because any other response feeds the Troll’s hunger.”
King also believes Burris could learn a lesson from the Troll’s past transgressions.
“Mr. Burris is waiting for the third Billy goat or a huge pay day,” said King.
“But that third Billy goat may wind up being the City of Asheville using a tool called eminent domain. And if that happens, Burris just like the Troll will have let Billy goat one and two pass him by and wind up in the river left with nothing.”
The Troll has advised all, who try to pass, to attempt to do so, before 7:00 p.m. because he often has trouble sleeping on a full stomach.
