May 2. 2015: Valerie Jarrett called just as I was sitting down to a carefully assembled lunch from Dr Phil's diet book. Patient is suffering a massive psychotic break. "The People are demanding that I go to Baltimore to help calm things down," he told me in the privacy of the family apartment. "Are they nuts?" he asked, flinging himself onto the hideous brown sofa. "Have you seen the news clips from there?" That's a downright dangerous place to be. I discussed with my media guys just circling the city in Air Force One as a means of striking awe into the hearts of young thugs.
"No," said Josh Earnst. "Imagine if a few ingenious photographers managing to get a shot of riots with AF1 in the background. "That would destroy the narrative we have carefully created of you as the wise ruler of millions, far above the fray." Patient has now decided that all who deal with him should display a warrant like the British Royal family does.--Dictated by S.H. Rink M.D., Physician to his Imperial Majesty, Barack H. Obama
