I had arranged a consultation with Patient for 7.0pm as he had a packed, stressful day. In his private apartment I had him stretch out on a sofa and tell me what was going on in his life. I noticed that he wasn't as alert as usual and asked him how many tablets of his medication he had consumed today. "Seven" he said. "That's way too much," I said.
" It began with Putin at breakfast."Patient played back the conversation with Putin he had recorded on his iPhone: "Good morning Obamavitch. Or should I call you Bath-house Barry? Bwaaahahaha!" Patient explained that when he was living in the Windy City, one bath-house was rumored to refer to one room as the "Oral Office and another two as the "Presidential Suite". I made reassuring noises that this was just another way for Putin to bully him. Then Patient told me about an awkward luncheon incident today involving Benjamin Netanyahu, Joe Biden and a tureen of soup. I agreed with patient that he was justified in self medicating with the very mild sedative. "But," I warned "Don't you take the dogs for a walk in order to smoke a secret joint. I will take a blood sample tomorrow, and if it detects cannabis, no more tranquilizer. The bird-brain nodded his agreement but will doubtless ignore me. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.
