Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA Barack, H.

2/22/14: Patient is still shivering with anxiety that Vladimir Putin will exact revenge upon him for the collapse of Ukraine. I decided to try another tactic to calm patient without sedation.  I would try hypnosis.  I told him to sit down and relax on the hideous brown sofa in his private apartment. "Look into my eyes," I said. "Look into my eyes.  When I snap my fingers,  you will feel your anxiety fall away and you will sink into a into a peaceful trance. I snapped my fingers and the moron instantly entered a hypnotic La-la land.  "Look into my eyes," "Look into my eyes."  I repeated. "When I count backwards from three  to one and snap my fingers, you will wake feeling relaxed and no longer afraid of Vladimir Putin.  From then on you will obey all my commands instantly. Three...Two...One...  Snap!  Patient's eyes fluttered open. "That's strange," he said. "I no longer feel afraid of Pootin."
"Stand," I said firmly, and patient immediately obeyed. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.