Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

2/3/14: Patient is looking disgruntled as only a call from Vlad the Impaler can make him. "Bastard!" he announced to me and when I looked taken aback, he added:"Not you, Doc. I'm talking about Vlad Putin, who accused me today of throwing a football like a girl." There were two immediate steps I could take to calm him down. One was to address him as a monarch, the second to remind him to pluck the rubber band around his right wrist.  "Your Majesty, I said. "You must apply your Cognitive  Behavioral Therapy,  pluck that band and transport your mind to that safe, moss-lined cave behind a waterfall, where you can hear the distant cry of a muezzin calling the faithful to prayer. Putin will then be unable to cause you anxiety, Majesty. He will be powerless against the force of Your Majesty's will." ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.