Progress Notes for Patient 540463, OBAMA, Barack, H.

1/02/14: Patient has been reintroduced to cognitive behavioral therapy as I cannot risk his getting hooked on sedatives in addition to his affection for weed; a joint only adds to his paranoia. I have trained him to pluck at a rubber band on his right wrist when he feels anxiety rising. The snap of the rubber against his skin takes his mind to a moss-covered cave behind a waterfall, I'm not sure if it's in Hawaii, Kenya or Indonesia. There is the plaintive cry of a muezzin calling the faithful to prayer, which puts the odds in favor of Indonesia. No matter, It calms him down, without the using mind-altering drugs.Patient was still jumpy about Putin's mild threat to him. "Putin's vowed to beat me up, Doc, I'm in mortal danger at the next G8  conference."
"Feeling anxious?, I asked. Let's try CBT," Pluck at your rubber band and sing a muezzin's call to morning prayer," I said.  A strange, writhing song issued from patient's lips, but he quickly stopped. "What if someone were to  hear me, arrive for prayer, remove their shoes and prostrate themselves?" he asked. There was a knock at the Door.  I said: " I think we're about to find out."
Joe Biden strode in. "They want to put y'all back in chains." he boomed. "Chains I tell you" I made my excuses and left. Two morons in one room is more than even I can handle. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, M.D.