Progress Notes for Patient 540463: OBAMA, Barack. H.

1/6/14 Patient is distraught. After his recent promise of executive measures against global warming, 20-year low temperatures have descended upon the nation. Today's consultation in patient's private quarters was constantly interrupted by patient snapping the  rubber band  around his wrist to counter his feelings of anxiety. He is further distressed by White House spokesperson Jay Carney having grown a beard over the holidays. "Doc, there's only room for one --snap -- beard  --snap --in the White House," patient declared, "and she's still in Hawaii." Snap...snap --Dictated by S.H.Rink, M.D.