I want to change my dating profile on OkCupid.
I tend to fine-tune and update it regularly, but still, it’s missing something. Amidst the very lovely people I have met in this last year from OkCupid, there have been some where I just wonder to myself, why did I just spend my precious time meeting up with that person? And how on earth do I turn them down for a second date?
I have a penchant for attracting the following:
DJs
Musicians
Fire Spinners
Artists
Actors
Introverts
Guys whose name is Chris
Hippies
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Obviously, I have a type- though to date I’ve not seriously dated anyone named Chris.
The thing is, I’m getting tired of walking around the real things that matter to me in connections. The courtship process is such a precise one, but I just want to cut to the chase and know, immediately, if its worth even talking to someone. Sadly, I don’t have that ability.
What I would like is for my profile to act as the ultimate screening device. Chase away the time wasters, and encourage only the brave and ‘worthy’.
I’m not sure what this would look like, but if my new profile were to have a subtext, here is what it would be:
Hello.
Thank you for visiting my profile. I am honored that you are taking the time to read this, and not just look at the pretty pictures. This gives me hope that when you send me a message it may be longer than two sentences and our potential correspondence might reflect that you have taken the time to figure out some of the key things to know about me. These are:
- I consider myself to be polyamorous. Monogamy was not for me. I am not polyamorous because I need love from others to feel validated or valuable. I am polyamorous because I have so much love, it has to be shared, lots.
- I am bisexual. I am equally attracted to men and to women. This does not mean, however, that I will necessarily have a threesome with you.
- I am single-ish. I date lots of people, but my primary relationship is to myself. Yes, I have other people I am intimate with. No, I cannot give you an ‘exact count’ of how many that is right now. The nature of single-ish is to be relationship-fluid. Relationship dynamics are ever shifting. You should be comfortable with that.
So here’s how this goes.
I’m looking for flovers, not girlfriends or boyfriends. Friends who are lovers. Not friends-with-benefits. Not fuck-buddies. FLOVERS. This means we have to be friends first. That’s not going to happen overnight, no matter how many lifetimes it might feel like we have known one another for. That was then, this is now. Know me in this lifetime, its quite different from the rest.
What I expect of someone who will be worth my time to investigate further is that they will engage in thoughtful, meaningful correspondence. Read my profile. Read my question answers. Let’s talk about the things that make us tick! Please do not project on to me things that you think I am. I am me. I will not be your life-partner, the mother of your babies, your muse, your sought-for cohort, or any of those things.
If we meet up, I call that ‘date zero’. It’s about sniffing you out (yes, literally, I’m hunting for pheromones), and for figuring out where you’re at. Also, to see if you look like your profile pics. It is NOT okay to have your headshot from 2004 on OkCupid. I refuse to believe no one has taken a decent photo of you in 8 years.
It might take a few date zeros to figure it out. Zero. Zero point one. Zero point two. I might have to throw a few wacky, silly, irrelevant curve balls your way to see how you handle it. Past that, if you or I are still unsure, we should probably respect that sometimes chemistry isn’t there in person, or perhaps its just not the right time or dynamic.
You should be willing to be present with me.
I am someone who is comfortable and confident with being completely alone. I do not need someone else to complete me, but heck this universe is a lot more fun to dance through when you’ve got like minded friends to dance with!
Based on the feedback I have had from other flovers and lovers, I wish to give you the following heads-up:
Be prepared for intensity. Be prepared for energy. Be prepared for honesty. Be prepared for earth-shattering personal revelations following the earth-shattering orgasms. Be prepared for weird shit. And now that I have given you the heads up, please expect none of it. Holding expectations is what will lead to disappointments.
Once I share love, I cannot take it back. This require trust, openness, and a willingness to recieve what I want to share.
Please stay true to your integrity. Know who you are defining yourself to be in this moment, and we may just get along electrifyingly.
I am well aware I am not everybody’s cup of tea.
If you are still reading at the conclusion of this and do not feel the tiniest bit intimidated or scared off, then please write to me. Lets see if we connect.
Thank you.
Am I playing hard-to-get? Hardly. Its actually because I do not want to play hard-to-get that I want to have some kind of quality-assurance filter in place. Because, really, once I make the decision to open up intimately with someone, I am totally and one hundred percent there, sharing my love and my soul freely.
And perhaps I exaggerate when I say that it doesn’t happen over night. There’s certainly been times in my life when it has, when a date zero has turned into a marathon of unexpected orgasmic pleasures that give birth to a new and beautiful friendship.
The bottom line is- I want to meet more people like me. The people who would get the stuff I write about on here, without me having to explain or give too much context. Who balance a passionate relationship with themselves and passionate relationships with other wonderful beings. And when I meet them, I hope we can recognize all the potential for wonderfulness as soon as possible.
